


Falling by Degrees

by jusrecht



Category: Super Junior
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-23
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-01-09 20:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1150502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jusrecht/pseuds/jusrecht
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyuhyun and Siwon and how they fell for each other. From <i>Don't Don</i> to <i>Bonamana</i> and everything else in between.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

  
It was difficult to pinpoint when or where it had begun, or even why.  
  
Because when the hammer of epiphany fell at last, Kyuhyun noticed that this—whatever _this_ was—had been going on for a long time. The arm around his waist was a simple mark of familiarity, a comfortable presence instead of an intrusion. He tilted his head slightly to one side, basking in the protective closeness, and there was Siwon, smiling under a shower of light with that twinkle in his eyes, and in the way he leant even closer, in the way his lips caressed the top of Kyuhyun’s short curls, the slightest of strokes and barest of brushes, was something private, something _unbearably_ intimate that the world stopped spinning on its axis for a moment.  
  
At a different time, in a different place, perhaps none of these would have mattered. But it was one of those moments when worlds collided and planets aligned, when the near-impossible had no choice but to happen. On stage, in front of thousands of audience, with the intoxicating hum of adrenaline in his veins, Kyuhyun realised that he was in love.

  
  
  


—

  
  


  
Not for the first time, a bandmate made a remark on his all-too-noticeable closeness to the youngest member of their group—and not for the first time, Siwon slipped behind a noncommittal laugh and let the answer linger above the echo, behind his teeth, unspoken.  
  
Guilt, he thought, was always the most difficult emotion to express. It manifested in many other things but its real shape, and right now, the mask it wore was kindness.  
  
Because the first time he had heard Kyuhyun singing again after the accident had been a revelation. He cared, of course—he always had, just like every other member of their crazily mismatched group could not help but crack a tearful smile when their youngest struggled to wrap a voice raspy with disuse around the simplest syllables. The fact remained that when you had eleven other brothers and saw them and talked to them and ate with them every day, faces began to blur and there were the same words on your tongue, being said over and over again. You forgot who had heard them and who had not, until they simply ceased to matter and new, different facets of life rushed in, erasing the rest.  
  
But when he stood behind the door to Kyuhyun’s room, none of those words stirred to life. He found himself staring at the strip of light spilling from within, listening to the soft, lilting voice, how it spread like ripples on water, pushing, testing unseen boundaries. Kyuhyun was sitting on the floor, back against the bed, and there was something absolutely heartbreaking in the way he tilted his head back, face folded in concentration, and tried to reach notes he once had managed so effortlessly.  
  
It was one of their songs from the new album, a lament of regret and separation that somehow always fell short of meaning in Siwon’s ears. Always—with the exception of this once, because he discovered that he could not breathe when Kyuhyun’s voice cracked at the end. There was a sob in it, somewhere, between the tail end of a high note and a sharp inhalation, and the sound pierced Siwon’s heart as deeply and surely as it had the still air.  
  
Siwon did not dare make the slightest movement. The moment was so undoubtedly private that he could feel discomfort crawling in the pit of his stomach. Now would be a very good time to escape, before Kyuhyun had the chance to notice his presence—and it _would have been_ the most sensible thing to do too, except for the fact that he could not even bring himself to look away, let alone move from where he stood in the darkened corridor.  
  
Then Kyuhyun raised his eyes and saw him standing there, an invader, a treacherous shadow with eyes and ears. This time, Siwon regretted his moment of weakness enough to wonder why, _why_ he had never listened to that delightfully sensible voice in his head. Clearly the solitary practice had not been intended for a listener’s ears, and the play of surprise and disbelief on the younger man’s face was quick to give way to something uglier, a cross between fear and shame.  
  
Siwon stomped down a completely ridiculous, totally irrational wave of anger which had suddenly risen in him at the thought that Kyuhyun even _dared_ feel ashamed of what he had been trying to do. Only because _he_ saw it.  
  
“Sorry,” Siwon heard himself say, his voice abrupt, almost cold, and it was so utterly _wrong_ that he had to hold back an urge to knock his head against the doorframe. He took a deep, calming breath and began again. “I mean, I didn’t mean to intrude. I was just…”  
  
This time he faltered, words stumbling, disappearing, until only the barest bones of truth were left on the periphery of his consciousness. They were cold, unfamiliar, but they were true.  
  
And so he gave them voice.  
  
“I'm glad that I can hear you sing again.”  
  
Kyuhyun stared at him, mouth slightly agape. The unexpected, heartfelt declaration faded into echoes between them, etched quietly into memories. Colour slowly seeped to his cheeks, and it would have been an improvement (in Siwon's opinion), except that stiffness scarcely left his posture.  
  
“Thank you,” he murmured with a slight incline of his head, formal enough, reserved enough to make Siwon realise that they were two strangers masquerading as close band mates. For the first time in his life, he opened his eyes and really _saw_ Kyuhyun, his too thin body and recently bleached hair and painfully awkward smile, all stitched together by a voice that even now haunted the deep recesses of his mind.  
  
There was Kyuhyun, the thirteenth, the _maknae_ , the singer with the beautiful voice; and then there was _Kyuhyun_.  
  
Whom he did not know. At all.  
  
It was disturbing, and more than a little mortifying, to realise that he had never put much thought on the young man—mere _boy_ , really—outside the scope of the accident few months prior. Even before that, he had never gone out of his way to befriend the quiet, shy teenager who had decided to brave their fame and hostility armed with nothing but a tremulous smile and a God-given voice.  
  
Something inside him broke, and there was a quiet trickle of shame, slowly, steadily spreading in the silent pool of his conscience. It was painful, but Siwon breathed against it, gesturing toward the floor by his feet, and asked, “Can I?”  
  
Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow, surprise evident in his guarded expression. Siwon hid a wince and braced himself against the sting of disappointment. There was refusal in the way Kyuhyun hid his right eye behind a stray lock of pale, unruly hair, in the way he bit the tip of his tongue as if fighting against a grimace.  
  
Neither, however, stopped him from saying, after a long pause, “Sure. Why not?”  
  
Siwon found a minute smile in the depth of his relief and took his seat on the floor, back against the wall. The high colour on Kyuhyun’s cheeks did not subside even as he quickly looked down at the score sheets spread on his lap. Then he began another tune—hesitant at first, before slowly growing out, little hummed notes into a perfect crescendo, because his was the kind of voice that seeped and filled and soared, inborn and uncontainable.  
  
It was, Siwon reflected, mesmerised, a voice that could make love out of nothing. And the most extraordinary thing was, Kyuhyun did not even realise it. He had his eyes closed, brows furrowed in concentration, as his vocal chords wound and weaved magic in the air.  
  
Siwon’s smile softened. This was where they would begin, where wrongs were put to right, where guilt garbed itself and took a kinder form.  
  
This, he thought, was penance.  
  
  
 ** _End Chapter 1_**  
  
  
---


	2. Chapter 2

“So,” Sungmin was speaking from the direction of the bed, where he had been fiddling with his guitar for the better part of the afternoon. “I overheard the managers talking the other day.”  
  
Caught in the middle of an intense battle against a Zerg overlord (and its annoying herd of myrmidons), Kyuhyun did not even raise his eyes from his laptop’s screen. A noncommittal grunt, however, proved to be all the incentive needed for his roommate to continue.  
  
“Turns out that a few days ago, Siwon asked them if your extreme dislike for vegetables was due to allergies or something.”  
  
One, two, _three_ seconds passed in silence. Then the sentence sank in and Kyuhyun was forced to sacrifice his perfectly-strategised game as astonishment seized and made him look at his roommate. “He did _what_?”  
  
“He wanted to know if you were allergic to vegetables and that was the reason why you wouldn’t eat them,” Sungmin repeated patiently.  
  
If possible, this new piece of information made even less sense to him the second time around. Kyuhyun frowned, trying to wrap his mind around such an absurd line of thinking—and failing miserably.  
  
“Why would he do that?” he finally asked, still incredulous.  
  
Sungmin shrugged, his skilful fingers strumming a random chord. “You should ask the man himself.”  
  
Kyuhyun turned away and made a face at the ceiling. For some reasons which he did not even want to think about, the idea of approaching Siwon about the subject made him want to crawl into a hole and hide. Even now, the mere thought of it left his fingers gripping the edge of his desk too tightly, tension coiling around white knuckles.  
  
Which Sungmin absolutely did not need to know, if the all-too-interested light in his eyes were anything to go by.  
  
“Maybe he just didn’t know that I hated eating those things,” Kyuhyun said at last, for the sake of deflecting his roommate’s blatantly inquisitive stare from his face.  
  
“Hm,” was Sungmin’s painstakingly neutral, frustratingly ambiguous response. The stare, to Kyuhyun’s dismay, did not change course.  
  
“What else could it be? Asking that sort of question out of the blue is pretty weird, isn’t it?”  
  
“Honestly?” Sungmin raised an eyebrow. “Weird as hell. Not to sound paranoid or anything, but you didn’t do anything that might have offended him really, _really_ badly, did you?”  
  
Now it was Kyuhyun's turn to stare blankly at the older boy. “I’m pretty sure the explanation lies nowhere near that question.”  
  
Sungmin’s serious expression broke into a grin. “Just an idea,” he said mildly. “But you must have done something. He has been trying to get close to you, if you haven’t noticed.”  
  
Kyuhyun looked away to hide an uncomfortable blush which might or might not have risen to his cheeks at so inappropriate a moment. Of course he had noticed; Siwon had literally made it impossible for him not to, with the amount of attention he had suddenly decided to shower on Kyuhyun—which included but not limited to a ridiculous extent of grabbing and holding his hand (sometimes his waist) out of the blue, either in public or in private. The first time it had happened, he could do nothing but freeze in front of the camera for three full minutes.  
  
It shouldn’t have been a problem. Kyuhyun released an annoyed sigh. He was no stranger to attention, even more so after the accident—everyone seemed to have made it their business to pamper and fuss over him at any given chance. While it felt rather nice most of the times, even touching, the special treatment also often left him feeling suffocated, even left out, especially when his still recuperating body prevented him from participating in too many group activities.  
  
Which, upon second inspection, was not always a bad thing, he reflected with a mix of guilt and amusement.  
  
Siwon, though, was different. His sudden onslaught of affection was alarming to say the least, for there seemed to be neither rhyme nor reason in it. There was also his inordinate amount of concern whenever Kyuhyun as much as showed the slightest hint of fatigue, which was not only puzzling, but also embarrassing as hell. It was as if he had just been released from the hospital, while in reality four months had passed since then. For Kyuhyun, who was not an affectionate person in the first place, the rapid change from mere bandmates to closer friends had been too drastic to his liking. There had been no precursory explanation—only Siwon, suddenly there, too handsome and too kind and too _close_.  
  
And then the man himself, who quickly proved to be another problem entirely with its own magnitude and army of complications. If there was one thing he could say for sure about Siwon, it was that he was _passionate_ —immensely so, despite the polished veneer of calm he always wore in public. There was a fierce sort of intensity in everything he did, which made being the object of his single-mindedness both flattering and frightening. Every time he smiled, leant closer, whispered in _his_ ear, all Kyuhyun could do was to try with all his might not to humiliate himself by either blushing like a schoolgirl or bolting toward the exit before the proximity could leave him with a far more embarrassing problem.  
  
The good thing was, no one had noticed.  
  
Yet.  
  
At least that was what he thought. Sungmin was definitely doing a great job right now in making him question this conviction.  
  
“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way,” his roommate was speaking again, cautiously this time. “I’m not trying to poke my nose into your business or anything. It just seems strange to me, that’s all.”  
  
Kyuhyun shrugged, hoping that it conveyed enough indifference to end Sungmin's interest in the matter. “It’s not a big deal. Besides, I bet all that fuss from him was just because of the accident. You’re all treating me the same way after I got injured.”  
  
Sungmin did not reply immediately, face folded into a thoughtful frown. Unable to shake the feeling that it was not over yet, Kyuhyun ran his fingers across the keyboard, tracing aimless, shapeless patterns as he listened to the growing silence anxiously.  
  
“I wonder about that,” Sungmin said at last, and there was a speculative edge to his words which rang a warning bell in Kyuhyun's head. “You’re kinda different around him too, you know.”  
  
“Am _so_ not.”  
  
“Yes, you are. You’re more… malleable around him. And more adorable.”  
  
Kyuhyun found himself trapped between an urge to throw something at his friend and to laugh. He opted for the latter, which seemed infinitely safer. “Malleable? Adorable? Seriously, Sungmin, what are you smoking?”  
  
“I’m calling it as I see it.”  
  
“Then you're clearly delusional.”  
  
“Well, you're clearly in denial.”  
  
“Denial is refuting truth,” Kyuhyun pointed out sensibly. “I'm stating truth.”  
  
The older boy burst into giggles. “Really, Kyuhyun? You're resorting to _semantics_? Either you’re desperate or I’m actually hitting the bull’s-eye for once.”  
  
“Definitely desperate,” Kyuhyun shot back without missing a beat. “Because clearly I’m desperate enough to use logic instead of any physical means before the prowess of your delusion. Isn’t that what desperate people do?”  
  
Sungmin opened his mouth, plainly intent on carrying their repartee to yet another level when a succession of short raps came from the door. It had swung open before any of them could answer and revealed Siwon, smiling so widely that his face seemed to fill what small gap he had allowed himself between door and frame.  
  
“Kyu, Ryeowook has some ice cream in the kitchen—vanilla and chocolate, he made them this morning. Come and eat with us?”  
  
There were a few quiet seconds as Kyuhyun reorganised his entire mental structure in order to process this new interruption rationally. That the entire procedure took him much longer than it usually did was a detail which did not escape him.  
  
But it was not important. Or so he told himself.  
  
“I'll be right there,” he answered instead, nodding at his laptop. “Just let me deal with this first.”  
  
Siwon flashed him another dimpled smile and left, closing the door behind him. Kyuhyun put his laptop into sleep mode and swivelled his chair—and that was when noticed his roommate’s conflicted expression.  
  
“What?”  
  
Sungmin turned a pair of pained eyes toward him. “Please tell me that he didn't ask _me_ because he actually didn't notice me sitting right here.”  
  
Kyuhyun did not even bother to suppress his smirk. “I would say that it's your fault for wearing that ridiculously pink T-shirt and playing that ridiculously pink guitar next to that ridiculously pink giant bunny while sitting on your ridiculously pink bed.”  
  
“Shut up,” Sungmin retorted, unable to resist a grin regardless. “I like pink.”  
  
“I know. Which is okay, really, since after all our definition of ‘okay’ is clearly “what the fuck are you thinking but oh well everyone already thinks that you’re crazy as shit anyway so what the hell.” You like pink? Cool. By the way, do you even notice the way everyone always try to avoid looking at your part of the room?”  
  
Kyuhyun escaped toward the door, laughing and dodging a projectile in the shape of a pink teddy bear in the process. “So, are you coming or what?”  
  
Sungmin did not respond immediately. He slowly removed his guitar from his lap, patted his pink bunny, and then looked seriously at him. “He called you ‘Kyu’.”  
  
It was willpower and _sheer_ willpower alone which allowed Kyuhyun to keep his face straight. “You do too sometimes.”  
  
This time, it was Sungmin who enjoyed the pleasure of a well-timed smirk. “Not in that loving tone. _Ryeowook just made some ice cream, Kyu, do you want some or would you rather have **me**_ –”  
  
That was when Kyuhyun launched himself at the laughing man, pink bed and all be damned.

  
  


—

  
  


  
One of the first few things Siwon discovered about Kyuhyun after they had started spending more time together was that he, in fact, barely knew Kyuhyun at all.  
  
He knew that Kyuhyun sang like an angel. He knew that Kyuhyun was uncomfortable with the thought of standing in front of a camera or talking to reporters and fans, and yet became another person entirely once he held a microphone in his hand and opened his mouth to sing. He knew that Kyuhyun could melt hearts and sculpt smiles with the exquisite tapestry that was his voice alone. He also knew that Kyuhyun’s smile was one of the most beautiful things he had ever beheld.  
  
What he did not know was that most of his preconceptions were far too shallow, that there was always something more, third, fourth layers which lay hidden underneath these impressions. It was true that Kyuhyun sang like an angel; what he had not known before was that _that_ angel’s voice could easily glide into the region of sensual and lascivious with a slight adjustment in timbre and lilt. That Kyuhyun’s smile was beautiful was beyond any conceivable or imaginable doubt—but then he angled his head one way, catching a different slant of light, one corner slightly quirked, and it was seamlessly transformed into a smirk. It was also true that Kyuhyun was reserved and shy in front of the camera, but then Siwon inched a little closer, dug a little deeper, and discovered that the boy’s true nature was something different, something coarser and a little more diabolical.  
  
And also something a little sweeter. The first time he had any inclination about this fascinating paradox was on a quiet evening at the dorm and suddenly Eunhyuk’s enraged scream could be heard echoing from one end to another.  
  
Siwon looked up from his cell phone, glancing at Kyuhyun who was, as always, busy in front of his laptop, and promptly stared. They were alone in the common room, Kyuhyun sitting cross-legged on the floor, he in the sofa—and the younger man was smirking.  
  
“What did you do?” the question left his mouth before he could stop himself.  
  
Kyuhyun raised a questioning eyebrow at him, feigning incomprehension, but even from that distance, Siwon could see the lingering traces of a smirk on the younger boy's face. Before he could find his voice again, however, the door had burst open and Hyukjae stormed in.  
  
“You evil _maknae_!” he screeched, launching himself at Kyuhyun and locking an arm around his neck. “I'm going to kill you. I'm going to fucking _drown you_!”  
  
Siwon blinked at the spectacle in front him. Before he could move to interfere, however, another angry shout reached his ears and he looked in alarm as Donghae burst in and joined the fray. Between the two of them, they managed to drag Kyuhyun toward the bathroom and make good of Eunhyuk’s threat in the bathtub which water, for some unexplainable reasons, had turned into a hideous shade of purple.  
  
Ten minutes later (mostly due to Jongwoon's painfully disjointed and rambling narrative style), Siwon was finally able to make the connection that the water had apparently been responsible for dyeing one of Hyukjae’s expensive dress shirts and Donghae's favourite vest _purple_ —hence their seemingly-out-of-proportion outrage. That their youngest member had been the one responsible for the entire process was glaringly obvious when Kyuhyun meekly accepted his punishment, without even a single affectation of protest.  
  
“Why?” Siwon asked after Kyuhyun had returned from the bathroom, freshly showered. The pale golden brightness of his hair shone even under the lamp’s artificial glare, beads of water hanging at the locks’ ends like tiny crystals on a chandelier. The outline of a grin still lingered about his lips.  
  
“You mean the prank?” Kyuhyun shrugged, resuming his seat in front of the laptop. “No reason. I just hated seeing them sulk all day. It made me depressed.”  
  
Siwon could not find an appropriate response for a long time. He had noticed the tension between the pair, of course, but it was only natural after the quarrel they had gotten into on the night before. Close enough to be real brothers, Hyukjae and Donghae fought in regular basis—and never failed to make up in the end, which was why the rest of the group did not even bother to raise an eyebrow whenever yet another argument broke between them.  
  
But then the sound of Donghae's laugh floated in from the kitchen, so bright and carefree a sound that it seemed to light up the entire floor. Siwon saw the smile spreading across Kyuhyun's lips, and came into a realisation.  
  
“You're doing it for them.”  
  
The younger boy glanced at him and scoffed, “I'm not that nice.”  
  
Siwon bit his lips to hide a smile, saying nothing, and yet his opinion was scarcely altered. Obviously he was not the only one who had arrived to the same conclusion, for when they went out for lunch with the others on the day after, Hyukjae announced, out of the blue, that he was paying for Kyuhyun's food.  
  
The rest of the group stared at him as if the end of the world was nigh. “What?” he challenged. “I can be nice and treat my friends too sometimes.”  
  
“No, actually you _can’t_ ,” Heechul pointed out, disbelief spread all over his face. “Something bad will happen if you do, because Lee Hyukjae’s paying for someone else’s meal is basically the virtual equivalence of the night before apocalypse.”  
  
“Yeah, something bad is definitely going to happen, like your getting punched in the face,” Eunhyuk shot back.  
  
“So, are you treating us all?” Jongwoon suddenly joined in, sounding hopeful.  
  
“Fuck, no.” Eunhyuk laughed, blowing a raspberry at him. “Just our _maknae_.”  
  
Heechul crossed his arms and frowned, making everyone else in the vicinity instinctively take one step back. "Why?"  
  
“Easy.” Eunhyuk grinned, undaunted. Then he wrapped an arm around Kyuhyun's taller build and landed a kiss on his cheek. “Because he is special.”  
  
Kyuhyun burst into laugh and returned the kiss with one of his own, briefer and lighter. It nevertheless lit a grin so wide on Hyukjae’s face that everyone started whistling and laughing at him. Siwon did not miss the way Donghae remained at the periphery, for once not taking part in the merriment. Neither did he miss the way Kyuhyun tried to push Hyukjae to Donghae’s direction when they took their seats. The younger boy was already wearing his usual trademark half-smile, and for the first time ever, Siwon had to wonder about it.  
  
“How many faces are you actually hiding behind that smile?”  
  
They were halfway through dessert and four different conversations were going strong all over the table when he finally had the chance to shoot the question. Sitting next to him, Kyuhyun looked up from the generous slice of blueberry cheesecake he was happily devouring, bewildered at first.  
  
“How many are there usually?” he answered at last, batting his lashes innocently—except this time, _this close_ , Siwon saw the unmistakable glint in his eyes which too clearly spoke of amusement.  
  
He could not believe that he had never noticed it before.  
  
“Why do you ask?” Kyuhyun spoke again when Siwon did not, sounding genuinely curious.  
  
Siwon did not blink when he met the younger boy’s gaze squarely. “Why is it usually?”  
  
Kyuhyun looked taken aback for a moment and Siwon almost grinned. It was a curiously new and liberating experience to be able to surprise the other in this manner. He was not usually the one holding the gun.  
  
“I see," Kyuhyun drawled, face pensive, voice holding a different edge which sent a shiver down Siwon’s spine. "I’m not the only one hiding faces, am I?”  
  
“That is a very arrogant presumption,” he pointed out.  
  
“That is just what one of my many faces thinks,” Kyuhyun retaliated, a smirk hovering above his lips. “Not necessarily true for the rest of me.”  
  
“That’s interesting.” Siwon fell silent for a moment. He could feel the small frown gathering on his brow. “I wonder. Is there any chance that I'll meet the rest of you?”  
  
"You made it sound like I had an MPD."  
  
"Actually _you_ made it sound like you had an MPD."  
  
The amused light in Kyuhyun eyes sharpened into something more dangerous; Siwon felt his breath catch. "Fair enough," the younger boy nodded, hiding a budding grin as he did so. “Why are you so interested though?”  
  
It took Siwon barely two seconds to come up with an answer. “I like you," he said solemnly, and realised that it was the truth. "Or to be precise, if we’re going by the same premise you did earlier, I like one of your faces. I’d love to see if I can like the rest too.”  
  
Kyuhyun allowed a small laugh. “I’m not that interesting.”  
  
“I beg to differ.”  
  
“Well, then you’re welcome to try,”  
  
Then he smirked and licked a bit of cream off the tip of his fork.  
  
Siwon did not tear his gaze away from him for another ten seconds.  
  
  
 ** _End Chapter 2_**  
  
  
---


	3. Chapter 3

  
“Stop staring at me.”  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
“You’re still staring.”  
  
“I’ve said sorry.”  
  
“And yet you continue staring.”  
  
“I’m trying to figure you out.”  
  
“By staring at me.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“It’s creepy.”  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
“But you’ll keep staring anyway.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Fine.”  
  
“…”  
  
“…”  
  
“You’re also staring at me.”  
  
“ _Sorry._ ”  
  
“So this is about fair play, isn’t it?”  
  
“I’m trying to figure you out.”  
  
“You’re so cute, Kyu.”  
  
“Shut up and stare.”  
  
And this was how Heechul found them, approximately five minutes later.  
  
“What in the name of everything unholy are you two doing?”  
  
The only reason why Siwon lost the contest was because he broke into a fit of laughter one second too soon.

  
  


—

  
  


  
So, maybe throwing that sort of bait was not the smartest move in the world.  
  
Kyuhyun gritted his teeth as he—yet again—tried to escape from the relentless human hound better known as Choi Siwon. Already a lot could be said about the older boy’s persistence to constantly hover in his vicinity under the pretext of watching over him; but now, after Kyuhyun had thrown him ‘the bait’, to shake him off was an impossible feat by any mortal standard. It was one more point he could add to the list of things he had recently learned about Siwon: the man was ridiculously competitive.  
  
(And truly, infuriatingly, _ridiculously_ handsome, but this latter had been a confirmed and firmly established fact since the moment of Super Junior's inception, which could have left no room for any doubt, legitimate or otherwise.)  
  
Perhaps it was just as well that Kyuhyun was equally stubborn. He did not slow his pace, rushing up two flights of stairs from the basement to the ground floor of the building—even with the knowledge of facing the press corps alone ahead. The others were lagging behind, barely out of the car, their enthusiasm worn down by repetition. This would be their fourth interview for the day.  
  
He could still hear the firm set of footsteps, slightly apart from the bustle of other noises and echoes. Kyuhyun frowned; the fact that he could differentiate the sound of Siwon’s footsteps alone was rather disturbing.  
  
And they were steadily getting closer.  
  
Coming to a decision, Kyuhyun counted to three and then quickly whirled around to glare at the older man. True to his prediction, Siwon was only a few steps away, the brightness of his smile undimmed, untouched by either weariness or winter’s chill.  
  
“I think you have a problem,” Kyuhyun declared, loud enough to lend an unmistakable degree of sternness to his voice.  
  
Siwon blinked once, and then nodded. “I do. In fact, you are my problem.”  
  
Kyuhyun was about to embark on a series of indignant and entirely justified disclaimers when Siwon continued, suddenly grave, “Don't move.”  
  
" _What_?"  
  
His less-than-intelligent question went, predictably, ignored. Instead of kindly providing him with a more enlightening reply, Siwon began to take his scarf off, a white, gold-trimmed piece that provided a startling contrast to the sleek blackness of his coat. Kyuhyun watched him, dreading, bracing himself against the worst—and still he was stunned into silence when the worst did happen and the silken length wound gently around his neck, settling into a warm, comfortable cocoon that reminded him, embarrassingly, too much of its owner.  
  
“There.” Siwon’s smile returned in full force, twin dimples and all, and Kyuhyun suddenly found it very hard to maintain a decent scowl.  
  
“I’m not sick anymore, you know,” he pointed out sullenly.  
  
“I know,” the older boy replied, a twinkle hidden in the field behind his eyes. “You’re just less healthy than the rest of us.”  
  
“That was an insult, wasn't it?”  
  
“Actually, no,” Siwon replied after a pause, his voice softening a notch—and so was the intensity of his smile. “That was a compliment to a young man whom I respect so much because he did not give up when the rest of the universe would have. And now he's back on his feet, mesmerising the world with the beautiful voice he has fought so hard to regain, so who cares if he is a little prone to bouts of sickness every now and then?”  
  
Kyuhyun stared, his mind going absolutely blank. Whatever he had prepared himself to hear, it had been nothing remotely pointing in that direction, let alone the actual, heartfelt confession. Siwon, he remembered about five seconds later, was also ridiculously earnest.  
  
It was the sound of many approaching footsteps which finally made him stir. He caught a glimpse of Yesung and Leeteuk rounding the corner and quickly turned around, resuming his progress down the hall. Siwon easily fell into step beside him, pace matching his.  
  
“Sometimes,” Kyuhyun muttered, only loud enough to reach the other man, “you make me want to hit you so hard that you'd forget everything you ever said.”  
  
“I'd just say them again.” He did not need to _look_ to know that Siwon was grinning—the bastard. “Which means that you would have to hear them twice.”  
  
“Then I’ll hit you harder until you can’t even remember who I am.”  
  
“You’ll have to hit very, very, _very_ hard.”  
  
“Because you’re thick-headed as well as thick-skinned?”  
  
“Because you’re rather difficult to forget.”  
  
“Well, I’m sure hitting you very, very, very hard won’t be a problem.” Kyuhyun wore his sweetest smile to accompany his barb of an answer.  
  
“You’re really mean sometimes.” Siwon feigned a long-suffering sigh, although the undimmed smile on his face effectively rendered any imitation of hurt feelings useless. “I like to pamper you, you know.”  
  
Kyuhyun did not even blink at the non sequitur. “You pamper everyone,” he shot back, matter-of-fact.  
  
“Everyone deserves to be pampered.”  
  
He rolled his eyes. It was exactly something the ‘gentlemanly’ Choi Siwon would say—and with a straight face too. “Really?” Kyuhyun challenged, head tipped back, hands sunk deep into the pockets of his coat; he was on the offensive, a predator scenting the horizon for preys, and the both of them knew it. “Then answer this one. Who pampers _you_?”  
  
The question seemed to catch Siwon by surprise for his stride suddenly faltered. “I don’t need to be pampered,” he said, frowning a little.  
  
Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow, wondering if he had imagined the trace of resignation in Siwon's voice. He decided that he had not.  
  
“But—and I quote—everyone deserves to be pampered.”  
  
“I wasn’t thinking about me,” the taller man admitted with a hint of a smile—and then, _there_ , for the first time in the two-year length of their acquaintanceship, Kyuhyun felt a stab of genuine pity for Choi Siwon. He tried to remember what Siwon’s family was like, only to discover that he could not. Because he did not know. He had never met any of them.  
  
“But,” Siwon added after a pause, “I don’t mind if you want to pamper me sometimes.”  
  
“And why would I do that?” Kyuhyun said, shooting him a blank look.  
  
“No reason.” The man was grinning widely by now, as if nothing had happened. “But since I know that I’m special to you–”  
  
“Excuse me, but what part of my speech or action conveyed that impression to your muddled head?”  
  
“Well, you have this light in your eyes whenever you look at me and–”  
  
Kyuhyun was not sure which had happened first: that his mind had gone blank for the second time, or that his feet had started moving on their own accord, to the direction of the other members. He did not even realise that he had latched himself to Leeteuk’s arm, until the leader asked him in a soft, concerned voice if there was anything wrong. Kyuhyun shook his head wordlessly. He was only glad that he could get away from Siwon. (And that he could breathe again, although his heart was still doing a crazy little dance inside his chest.)  
  
He did not, however, miss the flicker of surprise in Siwon’s face. Or the flood of apprehension when the taller boy realised that he had probably gone one step too far.  
  
“Kyu," he tried to catch Kyuhyun's attention when they filed into the conference room—and again, once they had settled down in their seats for the interview, side by side. "I’m only joking,”  
  
Kyuhyun thoroughly ignored him. He pretended not to notice the anxious looks Siwon was throwing his way every few seconds, or how the other man had suddenly turned quiet, his usual exuberance whittled away by unease. Instead, Kyuhyun focused his attention to the throng of reporters and fans crowding the venue, half-listening to Leeteuk's voice expertly weaving the bare threads of facts, a simple advertisement of their first Asian tour, into a wonderfully poignant tale.  
  
It was not until they were halfway into the Q&A session and the questions had invariably made a turn to the subject of his health and last year's accident, that Kyuhyun decided to break the ice. The nausea and discomfort of talking about one of the most gruesome experiences in his life had never completely disappeared, but the unmistakable presence of Hyukjae’s hand on the base of his spine, the feel of Siwon’s shoulder pressed against his, were comfort enough. With familiarity born of one-too-many practices, he donned a tiny, indifferent smile and fell back to his usual stock of answers.  
  
What made this particular speech different was the end.  
  
“Even now, everyone never stops caring and showing their love for me,” Kyuhyun said, voice gradually falling into a softer lilt; then he rose to his feet, drawing all eyes to his direction. “But today, there is one person in particular whom I really want to thank.”  
  
It was so easy, the smooth, effortless glide of a plan falling into place—the slight bend of his waist, the shadow of a smirk outlining his lips, and then the light, tender brush of a kiss on Siwon’s cheek—all a matter of patience, planning, and timing. The public reaction was instantaneous. A sudden eruption of hysterical screams almost brought the roof down, amidst blinding, aggressive flashes of camera which recorded the moment for eternity. Eight to his left and four to his right, the members all stared at him, varying degrees of shock on their faces.  
  
Heechul was the first to break into a smirk, followed by Hyukjae's high-pitched, uncontrollable laugh. Completely unperturbed, Kyuhyun sat down and hid his grin in the scarf that filled his nose with Siwon’s scent.  
  
“And that," he murmured, eyes never leaving the other man, "is how I joke.”  
  
Three seconds later, eyes still blurred from endless births of flashlights, ears crowded by yet another torrent of screams, Kyuhyun found himself smothered by a pair of relieved arms.  
  
“I thought you were mad at me,” he heard it whispered against the shell of his ear, and this could be the dawn of something dangerous, something _irreparable_ , for he could feel the stutter in his breath, the warm tingle that travelled from where Siwon’s lips had accidentally brushed his skin, down to his neck and spine.  
  
For now, however, Kyuhyun only smiled, saying nothing.

  
  


—

  
  


  
When Siwon arrived at the dance studio, the cold of a January night still clinging to his reddened skin, he found the youngest member of their group standing motionless in the middle of the room, frowning in concentration. Still feeling a little lightheaded from the sharp bite of winter outside along with the mounting pressure of their impending first concert weighing down his shoulders, he could only stare wordlessly Kyuhyun for the first few seconds.  
  
“What are you doing?” he finally managed to ask.  
  
“Trying to make that chair move with my stare alone,” the younger boy said blandly, not even turning to look at him.  
  
Siwon felt his eyebrows inch toward the line of his hair. “Really?”  
  
“Yes. The chair isn’t really convinced though. But maybe if we combine our stares–”  
  
He threw a rolled towel at Kyuhyun’s direction, laughing. “Seriously. What are you doing?”  
  
Kyuhyun shot him a sour look from the corner of his eyes. “What do you think I’m doing?”  
  
“I honestly have no idea.”  
  
The other boy sighed and whirled around to face him properly, one hand on his hip, the other combing through his messy black hair. “If you must know, it’s about our performance for _A Man In Love_. They want me to do this one move for my singing part. I’m just… I’m not sure if I can pull it off well enough.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
Kyuhyun made a face at him. “You know how bad I am at dancing.”  
  
Siwon suppressed a grin, hiding his eyes behind a sweep of unruly bangs. “Not bad, you just haven’t been doing it as long as the rest of us. Well, not that I can really talk myself,” he added with a more self-conscious smile.  
  
“At least you’re still better than me.”  
  
“Not much.”  
  
“ _Still_.”  
  
“Alright, if you insist,” Siwon relented, then crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Let me see it then. The dance move.”  
  
Kyuhyun stared at him warily. “Here? Right now?”  
  
“We’re still alone,” he pointed out, reason mixed with the tiniest smidgen of deviousness. “Although Donghae did mention that he’d also come in later on, so if it’s a bigger audience that you want–”  
  
“Fine,” Kyuhyun cut him off, already stalking toward the sound system in the corner of the room. “But don’t laugh.”  
  
Siwon made a solemn sign in front of his heart. Then the song began to play, right before Kyuhyun’s part, and he forgot entirely about his promise. What brain power he had left was completely used up in trying to prevent himself from crumbling to the floor in stitches.  
  
“Go ahead.” Kyuhyun was scowling at him, a light flush dusting his cheeks. “You can laugh. No need to hold back. Better that than to have you hyperventilating on me.”  
  
After spending a few minutes with his head between his knees, Siwon could safely say that his urge to burst out laughing every three seconds was finally subsiding. He raised his eyes carefully, finding Kyuhyun already back at the corner, kicking the stereo set into silence.  
  
“Actually,” he tried to speak again after clearing his throat, “it wasn’t bad in the actual sense of the word. It was just… weird.”  
  
“Yeah, thanks for the input.”  
  
“No, seriously.” Siwon rose to his feet and approached the younger boy, barely enough solemnity infused into his voice and expression—but then again, he was an aspiring actor. “Your hips. You should make them move without actually moving your legs. It’ll look better that way. And maybe you shouldn’t put your feet so wide apart. You looked like one of those guys from Chinese kung fu movies you like watching so much. To be honest, why don’t you ask Hyukjae? He’ll be able to help you more than I do.”  
  
“You're the one I want to ask.” Kyuhyun pointed out acidly. “ _Wanted_ —before you decided to be mean and started laughing at me.”  
  
Siwon simply had to grin again. “Anybody else would laugh too.”  
  
“You’re not supposed to be just ‘anybody else’,” Kyuhyun shot back, eyes catching his for the briefest second—but before Siwon could even _begin_ to dissect that statement, he had walked past him, heading toward the door.  
  
It was reflex and reflex alone which allowed Siwon to react fast enough and catch his elbow. “Kyu,” he paused, swallowed, pinned by a glare, “you’re not… really mad, are you? I honestly didn’t mean to laugh.”  
  
“I _am_ mad.” Kyuhyun turned around, shrugging his hand away, and there was so much frustration pooling in his eyes that Siwon silently cursed his insensitivity all over again. “Just not at you. The concert’s one month from now and… it’s our _first_ concert. If I fuck this up–”  
  
“Don’t say that,” Siwon quickly interrupted. “You’ll jinx it before you even begin to try.”  
  
One corner of Kyuhyun’s lips twitched. “How do you know that it hasn’t been jinxed already?”  
  
“I don’t, but we still have one month to find out, don’t we?”  
  
“Right.” The younger boy sighed, a thin smile finally seeping through his sullenness. “Fine, you win. I’ll ask Hyukjae or Shindong to teach me."  
  
"Do that. They'll be able to give you some pointers."  
  
"But one word about this from anyone else’s mouth and you’re going to find yourself murdered in your sleep.”  
  
“Scout’s honour,” Siwon promised him gravely.  
  
It was not until a week later that the subject came up again. Siwon found himself being dragged into the room Kyuhyun was sharing with Sungmin and promptly pushed toward the bed. “Sit,” the younger boy ordered curtly, his tone leaving absolutely no room for argument, and then spun toward his laptop.  
  
A familiar song blared from the speakers and Siwon heroically stifled a grin. He was only too aware that if he managed to be an ass for the second time and laugh again, there was a good chance that the rest of the groups would only find bits and pieces of him floating down the Han River in a few weeks or so.  
  
Then Kyuhyun began to move, eyes closed, head tilted back slightly—and the rest of the world ceased to make sense.  
  
“So?”  
  
Siwon blinked, mouth still half open. Kyuhyun had fallen into a squatting position and was now peering anxiously at his face. The song still played in the background, filling the room with its raucous beat, but Siwon’s entire concentration was focused on the boy crouching in front of him. He could not look away.  
  
“Say something.” The note of panic in Kyuhyun’s voice was rapidly increasing.  
  
“Sorry,” Siwon quickly said, finally rediscovering the mechanisms of his vocal chords. (It was possible that he had killed more than a few brain cells and perhaps even died a little somewhere between Kyuhyun’s swaying his hips and grabbing a handful of his hair, but it was neither here nor there.) “I was just,” he paused, surrendering a helpless smile, “well, speechless, I guess.”  
  
Kyuhyun’s face paled. “Was it that bad?” he whispered, sounding so terrified that Siwon almost laughed. Instead, he donned a poker face.  
  
“Bad? Yes, very. In fact, I can tell you that this is the worst sort of attempt at fishing for compliments. I expected more from you, Kyu.”  
  
The younger boy’s eyes widened. “You mean,” he paused, swallowing nervously, and the only thing Siwon could think of was how much he wanted to hug him. “You mean I actually did it?”  
  
“I wouldn’t say that,” he began slowly, not a flicker of any expression over his impassive mask. “Because no, you didn’t do it. You _nailed_ it.”  
  
There was a long moment of silence as Kyuhyun visibly struggled with himself. Siwon remained silent, watching legions of hope battling defensive arrays of disbelief in his friend’s eyes.  
  
“Really?” The word was carried on a whisper, so light it almost did not reach Siwon’s ears.  
  
“Wait here.”  
  
He walked toward the door and grabbed Jongwoon and Donghae who were just outside in the living room to watch a repeat performance. Kyuhyun would probably maul him for this, but it was worth seeing the amazed expressions dawning on their friends’ faces.  
  
“If I were a girl, I would’ve jumped you,” was Jongwoon’s solemn decree after a few seconds of dumbfounded pause.  
  
“I’m not a girl and I’m going to jump you anyway,” Donghae announced with a huge grin on his face, and proceeded to do just that.

  
  


—

  
  


  
His hands could not stop shaking.  
  
Kyuhyun descended the makeshift stairs slowly, then stopped at the base, still reeling from the force and strain of standing on an actual stage alone, with only Reyowook's piano accompaniment to underpin his singing. He tried to put on a smile on his stiff face, and felt it settle awkwardly on the curve of his lips, an intruder but not unwelcome. There was no word to describe a first concert, all the thrill, tension, rapture, and horror of it, all spun into a whirlwind of colours and heat and sounds. Even now, his skin still prickled under three layers of costume. It was a different world up there, amidst the screaming and the reverence and the adulation. A different, soaring existence.  
  
“Kyu.”  
  
He was about to turn around when a familiar pair of arms engulfed him in a tight hug. “You were amazing,” Siwon’s voice wafted above the noise coming from the arena. Kyuhyun felt his smile widening a notch.  
  
“I know. Not bad for a first concert, right?”  
  
“Well,” Siwon was stifling a grin—it was obvious from the marks left all over his voice, “to be honest it was actually Ryeowook’s piano that made it perfect. Here.”  
  
“You’re such an ass,” Kyuhyun muttered, nevertheless accepting the water bottle Siwon had brought him. The older boy only flashed him another grin as they listened to Yesung and Leeteuk conquering the stage with their duet.  
  
“So how are you feeli–”  
  
“Finish that question and this is going to land on your face.”  
  
Siwon closed his mouth accordingly, glancing at the bottle now poised between Kyuhyun’s fingers, ready to realise the threat. Kyuhyun rolled his eyes in exasperation; it was the seventh time Siwon had inquired after his health since the beginning of the concert, and while the first two times might not have been entirely unwelcome—even sweet—the rest was simply insulting. He had just performed a solo, not running a marathon.  
  
“But seriously, are you–”  
  
“Choi Siwon,” he growled, eyes narrowed, “do I have to kiss you to make you shut up?”  
  
This second threat worked—for about ten seconds, because Siwon soon found the courage to open his mouth again. “I’m worried,” he said defensively.  
  
“And that is my business because?”  
  
A reluctant smile broke over the older boy’s face. “If you can afford to be nasty, then I suppose you’re really alright.”  
  
“Finally,” Kyuhyun mumbled, heaving a deep, exaggerated sigh. “Now go away. I need to concentrate for the next song.”  
  
“Okay.” Siwon squeezed his shoulder and then bounded toward Kangin who was watching the performance on stage. Kyuhyun shook his head, amused; sometimes Siwon really reminded him of an eager, oversized puppy.  
  
“You did sway a little on stage,” a soft but clear voice came from his aft, effectively cutting his train of thoughts. “During the last verse.”  
  
Turning around, Kyuhyun smiled at the other boy. “You’re not going to tell on me, though, are you, Wookie?”  
  
“No, but only because I think Siwon is being paranoid.”  
  
“That’s exactly the word,” he muttered to himself.  
  
“Which means that he cares.”  
  
“Too much.”  
  
“And that is a bad thing?”  
  
Kyuhyun looked up, fast, but Ryeowook’s face was half concealed in shadows. Then the stage manager was calling them to get ready, and every other thread of thought simply dissolved before the pressure of going on stage once more.  
  
  
 ** _End Chapter 3_**  
  
  
---


	4. Chapter 4

The dawn of something great always felt like anything but.  
  
This was no different. They knew that the song was different from the moment they heard the demo version, that this was something special which could either make or break them, but no one dared give voice to these fluttering little hopes that suffocated them from within. Hopes like these were held close inside, like the most shameful of secrets, the soft flapping of their wings haunting the peripheries of their consciousness day and night.  
  
Still, it was easier to ignore them, because to say these treacherous things out loud was to leave disappointment a sharper knife when none of them was realised.  
  
Kyuhyun did what the rest of the group did: burying oneself so deep in work in order not to think or to waste time wondering. It was surprisingly easy, with the kind of schedule the company had forced upon them to promote their new album. Hours blurred past and suddenly it was their comeback, their first performance, their second, third, fourth, fifth. They gave their everything, their best, and when that was not enough, their _even_ better, for nothing was ever too much for the distant sparkle that was their dream.  
  
The result was none of them had the time or energy left to feel terrified. Which was also the reason why Kyuhyun failed to recognise that his body might not be able to keep up with his resolve.  
  
He noticed Yesung's paler and paler face, Donghae’s diminished exuberance, Hangeng's growing silence. He also noticed the startlingly dark, heavy circles under Shindong’s eyes and the increasingly sharp bite of Heechul's temper. Sungmin could barely shoot him a tired half-smile when they were woken up before dawn after only three hours of sleep for five consecutive days, and he couldn’t help but notice that Leeteuk had never once let go of his cell phone, the small device either glued to his palm or stuck into a nearby pocket, always waiting for news and updates on how they were faring so far.  
  
It was _himself_ whom Kyuhyun did not notice—until a midnight rehearsal, until his sight blurred and his knees gave way, the world spiralling into a black maze of nothingness as he repeated the same sequence of moves for the eighteenth time in a row. When he opened his eyes again, the others were already looming over him, panic and anxiety running riot all over their faces.  
  
“Kyuhyun.” Leeteuk had never looked or sounded more relieved in the last two weeks. “Are you alright? No, of course not—what a stupid question. But are you in pain anywhere?”  
  
“I don't know,” Kyuhyun managed a slow, confused answer after a moment's pause, finding words suddenly a foreign object on his oddly heavy tongue. “I’m sorry,” he added, more for Leeteuk's sake. “I didn't realise.”  
  
“Realised what?” The older man frowned.  
  
“That I was that tired.”  
  
“Maybe we should call it a day,” Donghae suggested as he carefully dabbed the sweat off Kyuhyun's face with a tissue paper. Kyuhyun could feel his cheeks warming and quickly grabbed the tissue from the other’s hand, trying to sit up in the process. Predictably, his head disagreed with him and he fell back again with a soft moan.  
  
“More like a night,” Kangin muttered from somewhere to his right. “I agree though. We should all get some rest. The performance isn't until noon anyway, so we can still squeeze in another practice in the morning.”  
  
“I suppose you're right,” Leeteuk sighed, and then shot him another worried look. “But first we’ll bring you to the hospital to–”  
  
“No,” Kyuhyun interrupted him quickly. “I’m alright. There’s nothing wrong with me. I was just a bit dizzy earlier and I slipped, that’s all.”  
  
“But in case–”  
  
“I’m _fine_ ,” he insisted, sitting up a little straighter to prove his point. “Seriously, stop being paranoid, Teukie- _hyung_. I just need some sleep.”  
  
Leeteuk looked as if he still had at least thirteen different arguments on that front, but exhaustion was quick to subdue his concern. After a slow, defeated nod, he rose to his feet and began to distribute instructions to the other members. Kyuhyun relaxed slightly and shut his eyes, preparing for another try to get up.  
  
“I can carry you.”  
  
The deep, familiar voice sounded disturbingly close. Kyuhyun frowned, turning around, and for the first time noticed that it was Siwon who had been supporting his upper back the entire time.  
  
Then the offer registered in his brain and his frown deepened into a scowl. “Yeah, as if I’ll ever let you,” he muttered, annoyance and mortification all rolled into one.  
  
“I’m serious.”  
  
“You think I’m not?”  
  
He stood up brusquely, determined to put as much distance between them as possible, but the sudden motion sent black spots into his vision and made him reel a little. He did not fall, but Kyuhyun really wished that he had—or at least that he could dig a hole in the floor and die out of sheer mortification—when he felt Siwon's hands on his back and waist, steadying him.  
  
“You're just being stubborn,” the older man stated, his voice low, almost accusing. “Is it really that hard to ask for someone's help? Like earlier, you should have said something. You knew we would have listened.”  
  
“I said I didn’t realise,” Kyuhyun said through clenched teeth.  
  
Siwon snorted. “Yeah, right."  
  
And that was when Kyuhyun saw red. “Go screw yourself, Choi Siwon,” he snarled, pushing the man away roughly. The room had fallen silent, and Donghae and Ryeowook were throwing him anxious looks as he stalked past them, but Kyuhyun could not bring himself to care. He was tired, his head was hurting, and all he wanted right now was to get home as soon as possible and fall into his bed, not arguing with a pretentious asshole who always thought that he knew better.  
  
Kyuhyun ignored everyone throughout the journey back to the dorm, alternating between stubbornly looking out of the window and closing his eyes. To his relief, the others kept their silence as well. Some, like Jongwoon, had quickly succumbed to exhaustion and fallen asleep two minutes into the car ride. As for Siwon, Kyuhyun could always pretend that he did not feel the older man's gaze boring into the back of his head. He had had enough of him and his meddling.  
  
Once they had arrived at the dorm, Kyuhyun made a beeline to the bathroom—oddly, no one seemed to mind for once—and took one of the fastest showers in his life. In five minutes, he was already curled up in his bed, ready for at least six hours of undisturbed sleep, when a knock came to his door.  
  
Sighing in annoyance, Kyuhyun cracked open an eye and glared at this new source of disturbance. Sungmin, he knew, was still in the bathroom (not that he would have knocked on his own door anyway). Only two other people could have dared bother him right now, and as much as he wanted to ignore one, the last thing he wished was to offend the other.  
  
“Come in,” he called out wearily—and immediately regretted his decision when the door was pushed open slowly and Siwon’s face appeared between the gap.  
  
“Hey,” the older boy said with a small, timid smile. “You’re going to bed already?”  
  
“What do you think?” Kyuhyun muttered sarcastically. The tone of voice served its purpose and the smile disappeared entirely from Siwon’s face.  
  
“Sorry.” He looked down, guilty and contrite and yet, for some obscure reasons, clearly not giving up. “I just want to make sure that you're alright.”  
  
Kyuhyun fought an urge to throw a generous portion of some well-deserved temper tantrum. “Stop treating me like a baby,” he hissed.  
  
“I’m not treating you like a baby,” Siwon replied quickly, a frown caressing the smoothness of his brow. “But you passed out earlier, so maybe–”  
  
“Sure, just rub it in.”  
  
“You know that wasn’t what I meant–”  
  
“I'm _fine_ now, or don’t you have eyes?”  
  
There was a pause, and Kyuhyun had just drawn a short, relieved breath when—of course—Siwon just had to open his mouth again.  
  
“So you said.”  
  
And he almost lost it for the second time to the same person under the same hour. Shouting in fury and creating a scene at one in the morning, however, did not seem to be a wise or sensible choice in this matter (despite how much the target of his outburst might have deserved it). And so Kyuhyun swallowed his anger and threw an arm across his face, mostly to avoid looking at the person he seriously wanted to maul right now.  
  
“Yeah, so _I_ said. You can choose to believe it or to ignore it, it’s entirely up to you. Now get the fuck out.”  
  
No response came for a very long time. Instead, what ensued was a spell of silence so ugly and thick that despite his irritation, Kyuhyun almost didn’t dare to breathe. His head was throbbing with all the maelstrom of thoughts and emotions inside, and he could feel telltale warmth beginning to spread behind his eyelids. Perhaps he was being unfair—and the slight sting of guilt in his chest was unmistakable—but so was Siwon for that matter.  
  
Besides, if there was one thing Cho Kyuhyun was good at other than singing, then it would be his ability to ignore everyone and everything he wished to ignore.  
  
Still, there was no sound of the door being closed or of anyone leaving. He could clearly picture Siwon standing there in the doorway, his shoulders slumped and expression conflicted, still desperately trying to find the right words to mend every broken little thing between them. It was unfair indeed, and Kyuhyun suddenly remembered that he was not the only one tired in the group.  
  
He bit the inside of his lower lip. The thought speared regret so deeply it almost made him forget his wounded pride.  
  
Almost.  
  
“I didn't mean to make you angry.” In the end, Siwon was the first to break the silence. He sounded hurt and miserable and Kyuhyun felt that guilty nudge again. And it made him angry—guilt almost always did—angry enough to maintain his silence and prolong the torture on them both.  
  
“By the way, you should dry your hair first before going to bed,” Siwon said again after the long pause—and _that_ effectively put an end to Kyuhyun’s stubborn pretence.  
  
“Oh God, can’t you just shut up and leave me alone??” he shouted as his hand moved to throw the nearest object he could grab, which turned out to be his wireless mouse. Unfortunately, his target had a quick enough reflex to swing the door shut before it could knock him in the head, and the device clattered to the floor after hitting the hard, wooden surface. Kyuhyun glared at it, breathing hard, but the sharp, sudden triumph at finally being left alone was momentary because the door swung open again three seconds later and the same infuriating face peeked in.  
  
“One more thing. I just want to make sure that when you fell earlier, it wasn't because of your injuries from–”  
  
“Damn it, Siwon!” Kyuhyun was pretty sure that he was yelling by now. “I had that accident like, two years ago! Why are you still harping about it?”  
  
“But those kinds of injuries take a long time to heal!”  
  
“ _Two years_ , you absolute moron!”  
  
Any other person would have had enough good sense to flee by now, which was not the case with Choi fucking Siwon. In fact, his sense of self-preservation was clearly nonexistent since he _stepped into the room_ instead of retreating to safer territories after the last dangerous rise of Kyuhyun’s voice. He even closed the door behind him and was now stalking toward the bed, determination etched into every line of his face.  
  
“I’m just worried, okay?” he began to speak again as Kyuhyun gaped at him. “I don’t know how many more times I have to say it until it gets through your head. I’m worried. We’re all worried, and not only about your condition but also the new album, and you’re definitely not helping by neglecting to tell us that you were at the point of passing out. Do you like to torture us that much?”  
  
“In case this doesn’t occur to you,” Kyuhyun managed to articulate through the grip of indignation, “I was trying not to be a whiny son of a bitch.”  
  
“But you’re not! None of us think that way about you!”  
  
“You don’t know that!” Kyuhyun burst out. “Look—fine, I don’t give a damn about that. I just don’t want to be a burden to anyone in the group. Is that really too difficult to understand?”  
  
“Well, guess what? That is _not_ how to not be a burden.”  
  
There should be a limit to the number of times anybody could explode in one night, but Siwon had been constantly proving him wrong and this time seemed to be no exception. Kyuhyun was about to resort to something extreme, like punching the other man and wrestling each other until they were both black and blue—and in fact, he was one millisecond away from executing this potentially disastrous plan, when suddenly the mask of anger on Siwon’s face crumbled.  
  
And Kyuhyun was left to splutter into silence as his formidable, would-be opponent was reduced into rueful man with a pitiful expression that could easily rival a guilt-ridden puppy’s.  
  
“I shouldn’t have said that,” Siwon muttered, shifting his gaze to the floor and furiously biting his lips. “It was out of line. I’m sorry.”  
  
“I don’t need a fucking sorry,” Kyuhyun bit out callously. His frustration, deprived of a proper release, was still roaring loudly under his skin and he just wanted to blame someone. Anyone.  
  
Siwon hung his head even lower. “I’ve been an insensitive ass and I’m sincerely, wholeheartedly, desperately sorry.”  
  
“I don’t give a damn.”  
  
“Okay.” He swallowed, and then caught Kyuhyun’s gaze once more. “Then I’ll sing you our song until your forgive me. Sorry sorry sorry sorry naega naega naega meonjeo–”  
  
Kyuhyun could only stare, open-mouthed, as his mind went absolutely blank. If he had had any remaining doubt before that the other man was an idiot, then _this_ would have completely obliterated every single shred left.  
  
“–nege nege nege ppajyeo ppajyeo ppajyeo beoryeo–”  
  
He should not laugh. He really shouldn’t; Siwon was obviously an idiot with the wrong set of cross-wiring in his head, and Kyuhyun could still feel the sharp prickles of his earlier irritation even now—and in any case, this sort of offence was not one to be forgiven quickly. But he could not help the sudden twitch at the corners of his lips, or the complete refusal from the rest of his body to cooperate, and before he knew it, he had hidden his face behind a pillow to stifle the start of a helpless laugh.  
  
And of course Siwon, being Siwon, didn’t fail to recognise his reaction for what it was, stifled or not.  
  
“Kyu.” He stepped even closer, too much hope crowding his voice, and knelt down by the bed. “Seriously, I’m really sorry.”  
  
“Yeah, whatever,” Kyuhyun mumbled against his pillow, still painfully aware that the grin was not going anywhere.  
  
“So you forgive me?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“But will you? If I say ‘sorry’ a thousand times more?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Even if I kneel down here until the next morn– until you'll forgive me?”  
  
“You're an idiot.”  
  
A small, tentative smile hovered above the curve of Siwon’s lips. “I can sing the song again if you want,” he suggested.  
  
Kyuhyun winced. “No, thank you.”  
  
“But it can make you smile.”  
  
“I’m not smiling.”  
  
“Really?” Siwon leaned in even closer, blinking innocently at him.  
  
“Stop it.” Kyuhyun pushed his face away before the tightness coiling in his chest could explode. The pillow fell away, but at least he was no longer smiling—much. “You fail at acting cute, seriously.”  
  
“But why don’t you want me to sing?” And of course he was _pouting_ now, the stupid, ridiculous, utterly shameless man.  
  
“Because I’m sick of that song.”  
  
“You have a lot of lines in it,” Siwon pointed out reasonably, resting his head on the bed, next to the abandoned pillow. Kyuhyun could feel his stomach clench sharply, the sensation somewhere between painful and pleasant.  
  
“And you look the best out of us all in it, so just shut up, please.”  
  
“Really?” The older man was grinning now, his dimples seemingly sharper and deeper in the dim half-light of the room. “I am the best-looking?”  
  
“As if you don’t know that,” Kyuhyun muttered, all too conscious of the warmth trickling to his cheeks.  
  
“No, I don't. At least, I don't know that you think so.”  
  
“Don't let it get to your head.”  
  
“Sorry, can't promise that.” Siwon shot him a smile—such a silly, goofy smile that made Kyuhyun want to punch him. And he would too, if something else did not happen, namely his forgetting how to breathe because Siwon had just reached out to touch a lock of his damp hair.  
  
“Let me dry your hair. Please? I don’t want you to get sick.”  
  
“You’re like, I don’t know, my mother or my wife or something,” Kyuhyun declared wryly, trying his best to ignore the way his heart did another series of somersaults inside his ribcage.  
  
“It’s because you’re just so bad at taking care of yourself,” Siwon replied with a pointed look. His fingers, Kyuhyun could not help but notice, was still playing with his hair. “Please?”  
  
“If I let you do it, will you shut up for real?”  
  
“For tonight maybe,” was the cheeky response, complete with a grin which looked entirely too innocent to actually be innocent.  
  
Kyuhyun rolled his eyes. “Ugh, fine.” He slapped the hand away, suppressing a shiver as Siwon’s fingers lingered over his for a moment. “Sungmin keeps a hair-dryer somewhere in the drawer.”  
  
Siwon got to his feet right away and shot him a brilliant smile that almost made Kyuhyun dive behind another pillow. He inwardly swore; seriously, this was getting ridiculous.  
  
Two minutes later, he was already sitting on the floor against the bed, the hair-dryer’s roar too loud in his ears. But Siwon fingers were tangled in his hair, massaging his scalp gently, and as his eyes drifted shut, his head resting against the side of Siwon’s knee, Kyuhyun found himself smiling.  
  
The world could not be more perfect than this.  
  
  
—  
  
  
The realisation did not come slowly. It came to him like a bomb dropped out of the clear blue sky.  
  
Siwon had his first clear inkling when one of the stylists in charge of him casually mentioned that she liked their new song very much; that virtually everyone she knew had listened to it and liked it also; that it was becoming very, _very_ popular and there were snatches of the song practically everywhere. At every street corner and major junction. In restaurants and department stores. Shopping malls and public venues. Radio and television.  
  
Everywhere.  
  
Siwon remembered grinning so widely that his cheeks hurt. His mouth was only be able to repeat words like ‘really?’ and ‘thank you’ since the rest of his vocabulary seemed to have evaporated in the sudden haze of joy.  
  
The real bomb, however, did not make an appearance until a Wednesday afternoon three weeks later. He and Leeteuk were sitting in the 12th floor kitchen, sharing a plate of watermelon between them. Siwon had most of his attention focused on his Twitter while the older man was texting one of the managers for a confirmation of their schedule for later that day. The heat from the unforgiving sun outside had permeated into every room even with the air-conditioning system in full blast and most of the other members had opted for a nap. Every now and then, he could hear the sound of Heechul's voice talking to someone above the soft drone coming from the television, but otherwise, the entire floor remained silent.  
  
“Siwon.”  
  
Something in Leeteuk’s voice made him raise his eyes, the tang of anticipation and wariness leaping up to the back of his throat. The older man’s expression was unreadable as he pushed his handheld across the table toward Siwon, who accepted it with knitted eyebrows. A quick glance told him that he was looking at their schedule for the next two weeks; under the three-columned table, however, was an addition of a few lines which made him stop breathing for several heartbeats.  
  
That their third album was faring well so far was the understatement of the year. Siwon read and reread the lines, mouth going dry as the sequence of numbers slowly sank into his brain. He tried mouthing them silently, tasting the shape of each miraculous digit; it still didn’t make them feel any more real. An official release would appear later that week, a footnote informed him clinically, but the current figure was correct.  
  
After staring at the message for what felt like a very long time, he raised his gaze again, meeting Leeteuk’s eyes across the expanse between them. The other man maintained his silence, white-knuckled hands clasping each other tightly in front of his mouth. That was when Siwon realised the small tremors that travelled to the tips of his own fingers. He put the cell phone down on the table and opened his mouth, only to find that he could not bring himself to articulate a word. Neither could Leeteuk, and they were left to stare at each other in silence, as if afraid that the smallest disturbance would break the spell.  
  
This was still one of those hopes which could easily shatter at the slightest wrong shift and Siwon did not want to tempt fate.  
  
It was clear, though—written in Leeteuk’s face, in their new schedule, in the figure added underneath, in too many magazine articles and headline news trumpeted by giant, colourful billboards outside. And they all spelled the same thing.  
  
They were going to make it—and they were going to make it _big._  
  
  
—  
  
  
“Pinch me.”  
  
Kyuhyun obliged—twice. They did absolutely nothing to Hyukjae’s awestruck (and honestly rather dumb-looking) expression.  
  
“Pinch me again.”  
  
This time, he made sure that there was a yelp from the other boy before easing off the pressure. They were sitting on the bed with their backs against the wall, he in the middle flanked by Hyukjae and Ryeowook, his laptop balanced on a pillow atop his bended knees. Hyukjae was rubbing the abused part of his arm, muttering curses under his breath, but his eyes never left the laptop screen where twenty-five different tabs crowded the space of one browser, all bearing variations of the same headline.  
  
Each and every one had the words _Super Junior_ and _Sorry, Sorry_ in it.  
  
Barely noticing the way Hyukjae’s pointed chin dug into his shoulder, Kyuhyun scanned the article quickly and moved to the next one, ignoring a half-hearted burst of protest from his friend. Ryeowook, on the other hand, had been utterly still for the last five minutes, sitting with one cheek pressed against Kyuhyun's upper arm and processing everything in silence.  
  
“Is this even possible?” Kyuhyun finally heard him mumble, the words slightly muffled against the sleeve of his T-shirt.  
  
Under normal circumstances, Kyuhyun would have rolled his eyes and told the other boy to see an optometrist if he distrusted his sight that much. Now, he only offered, “Just ask me if you also want a pinch.”  
  
“But we didn’t do anything different,” Ryeowook argued, shifting a little to catch his gaze. “Well, we did the street attack thing, and maybe the promotion has been a bit heavier than the first two. But was that it?”  
  
Kyuhyun did not answer at once. He himself was still taking in the enormity of it. Their song seemed to have become some sort of _phenomenon_ , for the lack of a better word. Added to the fact that it did incredibly well not only in Korea, but also abroad—in fact, in too many countries to count, as YouTube had legitimately proven—and the members suddenly had more than a slight difficulty to distinguish fact from fiction. Leeteuk had been walking around in a kind of daze for the most part of the week and the others simply could not stop grinning despite the ridiculous extent of their schedule. Some, like Donghae, had also acquired the habit of suddenly bursting into tears at the most innocuous moments, without even the slightest provocation.  
  
“Don’t think,” Kyuhyun finally said, nudging the side of Ryeowook’s head. “Just enjoy the moment. It might not come again.”  
  
“He’s right for once, you know,” Hyukjae intoned from his other side. “Except for the latter part. We’ve worked hard to get here and we’ll keep doing what we do to go even further—that’s all there is to it. So stop thinking and relax, Wookie.”  
  
A small, hesitant smile finally made its way to Ryeowook’s face. It quickly bloomed into a grin as he pinched the side of Kyuhyun’s waist, earning himself a surprised yelp as the laptop toppled onto the bed.  
  
“Just to make sure we’re not dreaming,” he explained meekly under the younger boy’s glare.  
  
  
—  
  
  
One of the most disagreeable side effects of living together with so many people was the serious lack of privacy when one was actually in need of such things.  
  
On one hand, Siwon had a choice. Unlike the rest of the band, he could have easily returned to his own apartment and released the floodgate of his emotions in the privacy of his bedroom, with absolutely no threat of any mortifying discovery hanging over his head. However, the idea of being alone in that dark, silent space after what Leeteuk had just announced—and now listening to noises of the ongoing celebration—had become downright unappealing.  
  
So he quietly stepped outside, to the small, darkened balcony that gave view of the lamp-lit city under his feet. Siwon didn’t think that he cried easily, despite loud claims of the contrary from other members of the group. Tonight, however, was one of the rare times when he could afford to let himself indulge in a moment of weakness. There was one point in the wide, multi-coloured spectrum of happiness where everything was inverted, where elation took a different shape, compressed and sharpened to the point of pain—and this was where he was right now. In the dizzying height of triumph, all he could think of was his parents’ too-obvious disappointment, even aversion, at his chosen profession. The tight-lipped silence of his father. The faint but eloquent sigh from his mother. Neither had stopped haunting him to this day.  
  
One approving smile was all he ever wanted. Maybe, just maybe, he could now be a step closer to that day.  
  
A sound coming from behind made him turn around, an involuntary reaction more than anything else. Kyuhyun had stopped in his track, his expression frozen into a mask of uncomfortable surprise as he noticed the look on Siwon’s face.  
  
“Sorry.” He was quick to recover, already retreating half a step. “I’ll come back later.”  
  
“No, it’s alright,” Siwon said hurriedly, wiping any lingering tears with the heel of his hand. “You didn’t disturb me or anything.”  
  
“But–”  
  
“Really, I’m just a little overwhelmed by everything,” he continued earnestly. “Please stay.”  
  
Kyuhyun stepped out gingerly after a moment’s hesitation, still wearing the look of a soldier walking into a minefield. He stood stiffly at Siwon’s side, hands curling around the cold metal railing as they remained in the silence for some time and listened to the occasional bursts of laughter from within. Glancing at the younger man, Siwon thought to himself that out of them all, Kyuhyun definitely looked the calmest, something which never ceased to amaze him to this day.  
  
“Can you believe it?”  
  
Every trace of discomfiture disappeared from Kyuhyun’s face as his customary smirk returned and once more took its rightful throne. “I’ve been pinching Hyukjae for the last thirty minutes and Ryeowook has been pinching me, so yes, I can safely say that I believe it,” he informed him dryly.  
  
“It’s just… it’s hard to believe that something like this is finally happening to us.” Siwon paused, then inhaled deeply, filling his lungs to the point of bursting and letting it go in one quick, heady rush. It was ridiculous, and he felt ridiculous—as well as inordinately happy—but at the moment, he couldn’t bring himself to care that much.  
  
“Have you ever felt so happy that you literally can’t feel anymore?” he heard himself ask.  
  
“That sounds a bit contradictory,” Kyuhyun said, amusement evident in his voice, “but yes.”  
  
“Glad I’m not the only one.”  
  
“Isn’t that a very stupid assumption?”  
  
“A bit stupid, yeah,” Siwon admitted, grinning. “But seriously, what makes reality different from a dream? Your pinching method isn’t exactly foolproof.”  
  
Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow. “I can try answering that, but believe me, you don’t want to jump into any kind of philosophical discussion with me right now.”  
  
Siwon could not help but laugh, a light, skittering sound that rode the night’s hush until it faded into stardust of echoes, etched quietly into memories. He linked his fingers together and found himself looking into Kyuhyun’s eyes, close enough to feel his warmth.  
  
“This is going to sound even more stupid—and maybe a bit arrogant too—but I think this is the moment when I truly fall in love with life.”  
  
“Actually,” Kyuhyun argued, tilting his head to one side, “I think this is the moment when life falls in love with us.”  
  
“Do you really think that?” Siwon held their gaze, his voice falling into a softer, more solemn lilt. “Really?”  
  
“Is it so hard to believe?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Siwon admitted quietly. “Because to be honest, I’m still afraid that I’m going to wake up and find that everything is just a dream.”  
  
“Even if this is a dream, you’re still having it with the rest of us,” Kyuhyun pointed out, and there were tiny golden threads of truthfulness in the cloak of levity draped over his voice. Siwon found himself smiling.  
  
“I suppose that’s good enough.”  
  
“You mean the best.”  
  
“Yes.” He was grinning now and his arm found its way around Kyuhyun’s smaller frame. “Definitely the best.”  
  
Kyuhyun’s only response was a small, contented smirk. Once again they lapsed into silence, standing side by side, listening to their friends’ laughter and the quieter sounds of the city that was falling in love with them.  
  
Siwon decided that he could live in this moment forever.  
  
  
 ** _End Chapter 4_**  
  
  
—  
  
---


	5. Chapter 5

“I don’t think this is a good idea.”  
  
“Oh, come on, Kyu.” Siwon flashed him a blinding smile and Kyuhyun could almost feel his heart leaping to his throat. This had been his constant reaction to Siwon’s smiles and touches for the last five months now—and, to his endless frustration, did not show any sign of abating. “Lighten up a little. It’s going to be fun.”  
  
“Can’t we at least ask Hankyung to join us?” he tried to reason, argue, question, stall, _anything_ —because the prospect of going out with Siwon, only the two of them in the vastness of this strange, unfamiliar city, terrified him. “At least he, well, can actually _speak_ the language.”  
  
Siwon’s response was a firm grip around his wrist. Kyuhyun's protest trailed off into resigned silence as he found himself being dragged out of the hotel, to a blast of fresh air and a vision of the bluest sky he had ever seen.  
  
Some of his amazement might have slipped past his stubbornly expressionless mask, because Siwon slowed down a little and grinned at him.  
  
“It's nice to go out once in a while, right?”  
  
Kyuhyun was just about to rearrange his expression into proper disapproval when a pair of sunglasses slipped behind his ears. Even filtered behind the black shades, the brightness of Siwon’s grin was scarcely dimmed.  
  
“A precaution,” was his brief explanation, before putting on a pair of his own. Kyuhyun wanted to point out that wearing sunglasses would only serve to make their presence even more conspicuous, but then he felt Siwon's fingers curl around his wrist, pleasantly warm in the cool afternoon air, and promptly lost every other thread of thought which didn’t revolve around the other man.  
  
“Fine, whatever,” Kyuhyun muttered and resigned himself to be dragged to wherever Siwon wanted them to go. The little smile which carved a pair of all-too-familiar dimples on Siwon's cheeks was hard to miss—and so was the treacherous warmth spreading across his chest.  
  
It was a beautiful day. The city bloomed beneath a cloudless arc of light blue, a garden of tall buildings and smaller houses and countless people threading in between, weaving a colourful tapestry called life. Voices in a language still foreign to his ears rose and fell as they joined the steady flow of pedestrians, content to blend in among the crowd. There was something wonderfully liberating in anonymity, especially after years of constantly living under scrutiny since their debut.  
  
Kyuhyun could not remember the last time he had allowed himself to simply enjoy the simple gifts life could offer. A mild breeze was gently ruffling his hair and the sun, for once, was a blessing instead of a torture. The city felt familiar and yet different enough, with a different hum in his ears and a different atmosphere on his skin. Kyuhyun smiled; this little escapade of theirs began to feel like an adventure and Siwon's presence was definitely a comfort—despite the effect he had on Kyuhyun's heartbeat.  
  
And of course, the best of all, there was no threat of fans or paparazzi. In a few words, it was simply perfect.  
  
“ _Shēngmìng shì měilì de,_ ” Siwon suddenly said, if a little haltingly, complete with a series of flamboyant hand gestures. Kyuhyun could not resist the grin tugging at his lips or the small laugh bubbling up his throat once the random declaration had registered in his brain. Siwon’s pronunciation was by no means the worst among them, but he had a way of articulating his rounded vowels which made it sound ridiculously adorable in Mandarin.  
  
And obviously Kyuhyun was not the only one who thought so. A pair of old ladies walking to the opposite direction hid their giggles behind wrinkled hands as they passed, eyes sparkling at the sight made by his friend. With tremendous effort, Kyuhyun managed to get the embarrassing urge to imitate them under control. When he looked up again, Siwon was already staring at him, quiet wonder shining in his eyes.  
  
“What?” Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow, his pace slowing a little.  
  
There was a moment of silence. Then an arm looped around his waist and Siwon suddenly pulled him close, voice falling into a whisper as he said, “ _Dāng nǐ xiào, nǐ shì měilì de._ ”  
  
And then he was gone, one step too far, one heartbeat too soon, and Kyuhyun was left staring at the crumbling puzzle pieces of what might have been. He was definitely still learning to speak the language, but he understood enough to feel the mixed warmth of pleasure and embarrassment in his cheeks.  
  
“I’m serious.” Siwon was grinning now. “You should laugh more often. Bet the fans will love it.”  
  
 _Of course._ And now they were back on safer, more familiar grounds. Swallowing the taste of disappointment, Kyuhyun donned a smile and shrugged, feigning careless indifference.  
  
“Even something special will stop being special if it’s too often seen,” he heard himself say, taking comfort in blasé statements of facts as his feet resumed their course once more. “I don't think beauty’s ever stood a chance.”  
  
Especially in a world like theirs, where everyone and every person next to them wore beauty and physical perfection like everyday clothes. Kyuhyun thought about the countless attractive women crowding their profession, and knew that these women, with their wonderfully bright smiles and sweet, female charms, were infinitely more suitable for Siwon than he ever could dream himself to be.  
  
“Something, maybe,” Siwon hummed, easily matching his steps, “but not someone. Humans are infinitely more complicated and wonderful than the most beautiful things. And you're one of the most wonderful people I know.”  
  
Kyuhyun felt a flutter in his stomach, the sensation for once far from pleasant. “You should stop saying things like that,” he muttered, looking away to hide any trickle of expression which might have made it past his defences. “You can easily break someone's heart one day.”  
  
Siwon only laughed, head tipped back, hair catching a particular slant of light that took Kyuhyun’s breath away because he couldn't help but glance at so carefree a sound. And it was all it took; he was caught, heart and soul, held prisoner by the beauty of that moment, by the small, upward quirk of Siwon’s lips and the way he made everything look so dazzling simply by moving—the kind of magic only the impossibly beautiful was blessed with.  
  
Kyuhyun buried his hands into the warm pockets of his coat, lest he did something he would regret. It did not help that his treacherous heart was hammering loudly in his chest when Siwon put an arm around his shoulders.  
  
“I'm starving. Let's find something to eat.”  
  
Kyuhyun could only nod, basking in the closeness as Siwon led him into a street lined with shops. He would take what he got.  
  
For now.  
  
  
—  
  
  
There were times when Siwon wholeheartedly believed that he must be the stupidest man en Earth, if not in the whole universe.  
  
This was, to his greatest misery, one of those times. The cause was no more than a couple of pictures—but they were pictures of him smiling affectionately at Kyuhyun, some with his lips hovering tantalisingly close to Kyuhyun’s ear, others with his arm draped around Kyuhyun’s waist in what could be considered an intimate embrace.  
  
Siwon resisted yet another urge to hit himself. They _did_ look like a pair of lovers, as their senior manager, Kim Jin Soo, had grimly pointed out. It wouldn’t have mattered much if they had been standing on stage, or at least in front of a camera recording for a TV show; but they _hadn't_ , and the pictures had been taken without their knowing, which made matters ten times worse.  
  
Jin Soo had just finished his call to one of the higher-ups in Seoul and was now conversing quietly with Hangeng in Mandarin. Sitting on one of the hotel beds with Kyuhyun to his left, Siwon kept himself silent and tried not to flinch every time he caught the word ‘mistake’ coming from their manager’s mouth. He had scraped his throat raw apologising to everyone; all he could do now was to wait for their verdict.  
  
After what felt like an eternity, Hangeng finally turned toward them, a tired half smile on his face. “It’s not as bad as you think,” he said encouragingly.  
  
Jin Soo was clearly less sympathetic. “It was still a really idiotic thing to do,” he said sharply, and the accusatory tone in his voice did nothing to lessen Siwon’s guilt. “What the hell were you thinking, going out just the two of you without telling any of us first? Do you even realise who you are?”  
  
“It was my fault,” Siwon quickly said. “Kyuhyun didn't want to go, but I dragged him out with me anyway.”  
  
The older man did not look the slightest bit mollified. “It hardly mattered now, did it? They saw you together—acting like _this_ —and now there are pictures to serve as the so-called proofs. What makes you think they’ll care about the who’s or why’s?”  
  
No one dared to respond. Jin Soo sighed in exasperation and then spoke again, “Thankfully there are ways to deal with things like this, but there’s one thing I need to know first. What is the actual relationship between the two of you?”  
  
Siwon stared. The question left him somewhere between astonished and perplexed, and he could feel Kyuhyun stiffen at his side. “What… we’re friends of course. What other relationship is there?”  
  
“So this,” Jin Soo pointed at his laptop’s screen—which still displayed the picture of Siwon's seemingly kissing Kyuhyun’s cheek, taken from that particular angle—“is just you being you?”  
  
“Oh.” The implication finally dawned on him, followed by a wave of embarrassment and no little discomfort at the idea. Next to him, Kyuhyun was clearly determined not to raise his gaze from the cold tiles under his feet. “I see. No, there’s nothing like that between us. It’s just… yes, me being me.”  
  
“Kyuhyun?”  
  
“You heard him,” the younger man answered, his voice cold and flat. Siwon bit his lips to hide a wince. He had screwed up so badly this time.  
  
“Alright, it will make things a little easier then.” Jin Soo’s voice finally lost some of its hard edge and his posture relaxed a little. “This is what we are going to do. The pictures are already out there, so we can’t do anything about it and we _won’t_. Instead, we’ll treat them like just another bit of fanservice.” He fixed a pair of solemn eyes on Siwon. “You do behave like that normally, so just keep doing it. Take care to distribute your attention though, so don’t focus on Kyuhyun only. Still, let the fans know that he’s special for you. If someone asks you about it in an interview, say that he’s your favourite among the members. Invent a reason—I don't care what or how, as long as it's believable and doesn’t sound too suspicious. We need to justify the sort of closeness displayed in these photos without making it seem too overboard.”  
  
It took Siwon every shred of self-restraint to keep his protest silent. Every word coming from Jin Soo’s mouth felt like a slap to his face, but he swallowed everything and nodded. He knew that he had caused enough mess as it was.  
  
“As for you,” the manager now turned toward Kyuhyun, “just be yourself. It’s obvious from the photos that you aren’t too comfortable with Siwon’s close proximity, so don’t forget to make a display out of it—only not too much, or the fans will think that you hate him or something. Give the impression that you secretly like his attention but don’t know how to show it.”  
  
“I’ll try,” Kyuhyun replied curtly after a heavy pause  
  
“Don’t try— _do_ it,” Jin Soo snapped, sharpness returning to his tone. It disappeared just as quickly, and the next few instructions were said by a man both regretful and tired. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pressure you guys, but this is something that can be resolved quite easily if we only do the right thing and follow the right steps. We can even turn it into an advantage, provided that we play our cards carefully.”  
  
“I understand,” Kyuhyun muttered, his tone resigned.  
  
“Good.” A flash of a smile softened Jin Soo’s face for a moment. “Remember, the keyword in this is ‘fanservice’. Do it, but not too much, and you’ll be okay.”  
  
The verdict was delivered; however, it was not until they had left for their own shared bedroom that Siwon finally had the chance to arrange his chaotic thoughts and give some of them voice.  
  
“I’m really sorry.”  
  
Kyuhyun shrugged and opened the door to their room. “Don’t worry about it,” he replied carelessly and sank into his bed, draping an arm over his eyes. It was such a gloomy picture to Siwon’s eyes that he could only watch the younger man miserably for a long moment.  
  
“I’m serious, Kyu,” Siwon tried again as he slowly approached him. “I feel really bad about this.”  
  
“I said don’t worry about it.” Kyuhyun removed his arm but didn’t shift his gaze from the ceiling. “It was just you being you, right?”  
  
“So we’re okay?”  
  
“I guess.”  
  
Another uncomfortable pause swelled as Kyuhyun fished his cell phone out of his pocket and proceeded to busy himself with a game. Siwon retreated to his own bed, struggling with all the stilted emotions crawling in his chest. Full-blown anger he could deal with; this kind of awkward, silent turmoil, however, was pretty much the bane of his mental equilibrium.  
  
“Do you really mind my proximity that much?” He finally couldn’t keep the question silent any longer.  
  
“What?”  
  
“What manager- _hyung_ said earlier—you looked uncomfortable in the pictures. Is that because you didn’t like my proximity?”  
  
“I’m just not used to someone’s being too close,” Kyuhyun said dismissively.  
  
“Why didn’t you say anything?”  
  
The younger man shot him an irritated look. “It’s not a big deal, alright? Just drop it.”  
  
“But is it going to be a problem if we’re to do what we were asked to do?”  
  
It made Kyuhyun sit up and glare at him, his expression scrawled over with frustration. “Look, you heard him. It’s fanservice—it’s part of our job description, so of course I’m going to be professional about this. Or do you think I’m such an idiot that I can’t even see why we have to do it?”  
  
“No, it’s just…” Siwon paused, floundering for words. “I’m sorry that I did this to us.”  
  
“Stop saying sorry,” Kyuhyun snappped at him. “I hate that word.”  
  
“I really am though.”  
  
“Fine, you’ve made your point. Can we please stop talking about this now?”  
  
Siwon lowered his eyes. “Okay.”  
  
They lapsed into another chasm of uncomfortable silence. He could still feel Kyuhyun’s eyes on him, accusing, perhaps judging him. Siwon thought of every single moment he had touched Kyuhyun—first out of concern, later out of habit—and wondered, yet again, why Kyuhyun had never said anything.  
  
“Does this mean that I can’t touch you if we aren’t in front of any audience?”  
  
The look Kyuhyun gave him could be best described as shocked disbelief. “What sort of question is that?”  
  
“Because I _do_ like you, Kyuhyun,” Siwon said solemnly, careful to meet the younger man’s eyes. “I mean, as a person, as a close and dear friend, not just as another band member with whom I have to do bouts of fanservice every now and then. I don’t want you to think that I’m touching you or being affectionate with you only because I have to. Like, because they order me to do it.”  
  
“What exactly are you saying?” The quiver in Kyuhyun’s voice was faint enough, but Siwon didn’t think he could have missed it unless he were deaf.  
  
“Just that when he told me to say that you were my favourite, it was actually true,” he replied slowly, honestly, never looking away even for a millisecond. “You are precious to me, maybe more than you can imagine.”  
  
Under different circumstances, to another person, the words would have brought him the sting of embarrassment. Kyuhyun, though, was different. Kyuhyun was special, in more ways than one, and Siwon realised this as they stared at each other for several long seconds.  
  
But then Kyuhyun looked away, inhaling sharply, and brusquely stood up.  
  
“I have to go,” he hissed, leaving a dumbfounded Siwon behind as he slammed the door in his wake.  
  
  
—  
  
  
He was barely four steps away when a nearby door opened and Donghae stumbled out, almost colliding into him.  
  
“Kyuhyun?” There was surprise, concern, alarm, each a striking shade in Donghae's handsome face. “Are you okay?”  
  
“Leave me alone,” Kyuhyun snapped, trying to brush the other man away. Donghae's grip loosened a bit, but his hand stubbornly did not let go. Kyuhyun scowled, all too aware that he was seconds away from bursting, and pushed Donghae aside before he could do a lasting damage to their friendship.  
  
One ruined friendship was enough.  
  
Donghae did not try to give him chase; for this, at least, Kyuhyun was grateful. He quickly stepped into the elevator when it arrived, but it was only during his way down that he remembered who he was and what certainly was expecting him in the hotel lobby, armed with cameras and enough enthusiasm to bring the building down.  
  
Two minutes later found him back on his floor, sitting in the fire exit and fighting against a broken heart.  
  
It was not his first, but obviously he had forgotten how painful broken hearts could be. And it hurt him more than he had expected. Siwon’s earnestness only drove the knife deeper. The man loved him—he had pretty much said so—just not in the way Kyuhyun wanted.  
  
When his cell phone suddenly rang, the echoing sound was so loud in the enclosed space that he almost jumped out of his skin. Kyuhyun frowned at the name flashing in the display and rejected the call.  
  
Ten seconds later, it rang again. He swore under his breath and finally decided to pick it up for the sake of his peace of mind.  
  
“What?”  
  
 _“How dare you reject my call,”_ Hyukjae’s offended voice came through the line.  
  
“What do you want?”  
  
 _“What’s gotten into you?”_  
  
Kyuhyun could feel his lips curling into a sneer. “I see. Donghae ran crying to you saying that big bad mean Kyu had bullied him, didn’t he?”  
  
 _“Stop talking like that or I’ll kick your ass.”_  
  
“How? You’re so far away.”  
  
The last word nearly broke into a sob, but Kyuhyun bit his lips just in time. Not that it mattered much; he had no doubt that Hyukjae had caught it anyway.  
  
 _“Tell me,”_ the other man told him, his tone gentler this time.  
  
“There’s nothing to tell.”  
  
 _“We already saw the pictures. They’re all over the internet.”_  
  
“Yeah, so I’ve been told. Thank you very much for confirming it.”  
  
 _“Damn it, maknae. Talk to me—not at me.”_  
  
“I don’t want to talk.”  
  
 _“Fine, then I’ll just sit here wasting ridiculous amount of money on this call only to appreciate how pretty the sound of your breathing is. Sounds like a plan.”_  
  
Kyuhyun said nothing—not because he had no retort in mind, but because the first drops of tears were making their way down his cheeks. He could almost hate Hyukjae for stubbornly being a witness to this moment of weakness, but the fact that he was _here_ , at this moment, right now, also made Kyuhyun feel that he was something precious.  
  
The other man remained silent throughout. Kyuhyun half-expected him to hang up after a minute or so, but then a soft, hesitant voice proved him wrong.  
  
 _“Oh my super girl...”_  
  
He gaped, torn between astonishment and disbelief, his misery for a moment forgotten. Hyukjae was singing and it was the title song of Super Junior-M's upcoming mini album—in which he took no part. Kyuhyun could not resist a snort when the other man blazed through the second verse with hums and da-da-dum's because he obviously couldn't remember the lyrics.  
  
“Your pronunciation sucks,” he stated, prompting an irritated sound from the other side of the line.  
  
 _“Well, excuse me for not being a part of the cool kids’ group too, but the song’s just stuck in my head, alright? You and Wookie sang it, like, fifty times a day for three whole damn weeks. Sungmin is a saint and I'm just naturally kind-hearted, but anyone else living in the same floor would’ve already moved to a mental asylum.”_  
  
“We were memorising the lines, asshole.”  
  
 _“Of course, after all it’s such a difficult song. What is it about again? Oh right, a guy who’s obsessed with a girl and wants to be her Superman.”_  
  
“Shut up,” Kyuhyun shot back but could not resist the little smile tugging at the corners of his lips.  
  
 _“Oh my, super girl, I am your Superman—seriously, what in the name of… you’re laughing now, aren't you?”_  
  
“No,” he lied, biting his tongue to prevent another short burst of laugh from betraying himself.  
  
 _“You're a lousy liar, Cho Kyuhyun, I hope you know that.”_  
  
“Whatever. You still suck at Chinese and your voice is nowhere as awesome as mine so you totally have no saving grace.”  
  
 _“Brat.”_  
  
“Truth hurts, I know.”  
  
 _“Yeah, yeah, your heavenly voice can conquer the world or something.”_ Hyukjae paused and they both took a moment to savour this new silence. _“Look,”_ when he spoke again, embarrassment lent a gruffer edge to his voice, _“I understand that you don’t want to talk right now, but don’t forget that I’m only a phone call away, alright?”_  
  
Kyuhyun blinked and fought against the lump in his throat. “I know.”  
  
 _“Good. And you owe Hae an apology, by the way.”_  
  
He rolled his eyes although there was no one else there. “Of course.”  
  
 _“Trust me, you’ll feel better once you’ve talked to him.”_  
  
It was one of those times when Kyuhyun simply had to wonder how Hyukjae seemed to know him better than even he himself. Ryeowook was the one who answered the door when he knocked on Donghae’s room, and he slipped out quietly as Kyuhyun approached the other man with determined steps. Donghae was sprawled in his bed with one arm folded behind his head, watching him with a wary expression.  
  
It took Kyuhyun four tries to successfully stutter an apology, the words foreign on his tongue. He was pretty sure that he looked every bit as ridiculous as he felt—but hopefully, also as contrite.  
  
Donghae gave him a long look and then patted the empty space next to him. “Sit down.”  
  
Kyuhyun obeyed without protest, gingerly seating himself at the edge of the bed. He was desperately trying to come up with something else to say when he felt Donghae’s arms coming around him.  
  
“I know I’m not Hyukkie, but I love you too, you know.”  
  
“Why is everyone trying to make me feel bad today?” Kyuhyun mumbled, struggling against another spell of prickling warmth in his eyes.  
  
“Usually that’s because you’re already feeling bad in the first place.”  
  
A short bark of laugh scratched his throat. “Maybe you’re right,” he admitted, his fingers falling into a circle around the other man's wrist. “I’m really sorry.”  
  
“It's okay.” Donghae's hold tightened around him for a second. “Well, maybe if you do one more thing for me.”  
  
“What?”  
  
Kyuhyun could practically _hear_ Donghae’s glee before the words were even spoken. “Go to the gym with me. We'll work out some sweat, and since we'll have that MV shooting next week, practicing some of the moves won't hurt.”  
  
Kyuhyun didn’t even bother to hide his grimace. “Do we really have to?”  
  
“Honestly?” A grin appeared in his periphery, and Kyuhyun suddenly remembered why Donghae had always held a very high place in his heart. “Yeah. You really need the practice.”  
  
Kyuhyun muttered under his breath but didn't resist much when he was pulled up to his feet.  
  
“Ugh, fine. You’re lucky that I like you right now.”  
  
Donghae’s grin only widened. “I know.”  
  
  
 ** _End Chapter 5_**  
  
  
—

   
  
---


	6. Chapter 6

For days, there was nothing but clouds of awkwardness between them  
  
By the time they were scheduled to return to Seoul, Siwon had long since reached the most extreme point of frustration. That Kyuhyun had started avoiding him after the incident was perhaps not unexpected, and his decision to switch rooms with Donghae in order to give them both some space had at least been logical, if not exactly painless. But then one full week flew past and Siwon kept finding his diligent efforts to restore their friendship to its former easy state yielding zero result.  
  
This was not only unexpected, but also incredibly alarming. He was very much aware that some mistakes were less easily mended than others, but _this_ was a simple, innocent one and he could not, for the life of him, fathom any reason why Kyuhyun still insisted on punishing him to this extent.  
  
The others had been trying to help. Covering the tension between the two of them with funny remarks and silly actions was only the beginning of their supports. Hangeng would try and engage him in any conversation as much as he could, while Ryeowook and Zhou Mi would hang around Kyuhyun and make sure that he was not too often left alone. Still, Siwon found it a big relief to be back at home in Seoul with the rest of the group. Simply the fact that he was home, seeing people and places he knew, already made him feel so much better.  
  
This relief lasted only until he noticed Heechul standing in front of the dorm, frowning at him.  
  
Had he been less dignified, Siwon would have immediately beaten a speedy retreat and made his escape to the safety of his apartment. Instead, he followed Heechul into the dorm and stepped into the older man’s bedroom, facing his expected dose of scolding with little more than a sigh.  
  
“You’re an idiot,” was Heechul’s blunt overture, as soon as the door had been closed behind them.  
  
Siwon thoroughly agreed, but what was left of his battered pride insisted on throwing at least a semblance of rebuttal. “It was an honest mistake, alright?” he retorted, his tone defensive.  
  
“Still doesn’t change the fact that you’re an idiot.”  
  
A spark of resentment followed the jab, but Siwon managed to hold his tongue. Quarrelling with Heechul, he knew from firsthand experience, would only worsen matters, and at the moment things were grim enough as they were.  
  
“You look like crap,” Heechul spoke again after a while, clearly undeterred by his silence.  
  
“At least I have a reason why,” Siwon muttered and slumped into an empty chair.  
  
“It can’t be that bad. You guys already found a solution, right?”  
  
Siwon raised his gaze from the floor, but only as high enough to catch the other man's eyes. “He hates me,” he declared flatly.  
  
“Who? Cho?” Heechul’s expression was a mix of amusement and incredulity. “Hates you my ass. That boy couldn’t hate you even if he wanted to.”  
  
Siwon scoffed. “Yeah, right.”  
  
There was a pause as Heechul leaned back against the door and crossed his arms. “You honestly don’t know, do you?” he spoke slowly, his tone suddenly serious.  
  
“Know what?”  
  
“Never mind,” Heechul muttered, sighing deeply. “So what’s the problem again?”  
  
Siwon found himself looking down at his feet once more, the misery coming back in full force. “Like I said, he hates me.”  
  
“And like I said, it’s impossible.”  
  
“It’s been a week and he’s still avoiding me. What do you call that if not hate?”  
  
Heechul ignored the question. “Have you tried apologising to him?”  
  
“What do you think?” Siwon shot back impatiently.  
  
“Cheesing him up? It’s your specialty.”  
  
“That’ll only make it worse. He’s angry at me.”  
  
“Well, then talk. Explain. Lock yourself in a room with him until he’s willing to listen. Then tell him that you’re sorry. Persuade him. In fact, kiss him if you have to.”  
  
“And that would help exactly how?” Siwon asked dryly.  
  
Heechul's eyes twinkled. “One never knows. Don’t you want to make up with him?”  
  
 _As if there could ever be any doubt._ Siwon took a deep breath, and knew that he meant every word when he said, “I’ll do anything to see him smile at me again.”  
  
For a second, Heechul looked like he wanted to scream at him—or hit him somewhere extremely painful. “You’re actually serious, aren't you?”  
  
“Why would I joke at a time like this?” Siwon said indignantly.  
  
Heechul stared at him for a few moments longer, and then heaved a deep breath. “Right. Well. What are you waiting for then? Go and make him smile at you again.”  
  
That, Siwon reflected as he left the room with new determination, was just what he intended to do.  
  
  
—  
  
  
The photo shoot for the new CD took place three days after their return.  
  
Kyuhyun dreaded the event the way he used to dread going to auditions—with what tiny hope he had buried under too many terrible expectations and all kinds of unnamed fear to the point of losing sleep on the night before. Predictably enough, the unflattering results now left all over his face was enough to invite a glare from his stylist.  
  
“This might be a stupid question, but did you happen to get any sleep _at all_ last night?”  
  
Admitting the truth would most likely earn him a full round of tirade from the formidable woman, so Kyuhyun only mumbled something unintelligible and hoped that she would drop the subject.  
  
Which she fortunately did, after an impatient sigh.  
  
“There's a limit to the magic I can do, so you'll just have to wear these for today,” she declared sternly, shoving a pair of sunglasses into his hands. Kyuhyun accepted them meekly and sat back in chastised silence as his make-ups were applied and his hair styled by a pair of deft hands.  
  
The real trial, however, only began the moment Siwon stepped into the studio, right after Kyuhyun had finished his individual shot.  
  
There must be some great powers in the universe, Kyuhyun reflected numbly, which truly hated him and therefore saw it fit to dangle the one thing he could not have before his broken-hearted self in all its blinding, handsome glory. A combination of a black leather jacket and pink pants might have looked ridiculous on anyone else; Siwon, however, pulled it off like nobody's business and Kyuhyun spent the majority of the shooting either forcing himself _not_ to look to a certain direction and not to vent his frustration upon other innocent, unsuspecting beings around him, sentient or otherwise.  
  
Which was a herculean feat, with them positioned so close together in the group shot— _facing each other._  
  
Kyuhyun cursed all powers that be (including their innocently grinning photographer) as the puff of Siwon’s breath skimmed over his cheek. The proximity already left him more flustered than he had ever been in years; Siwon's scent in his nose—and the fact that his lips were a scant inch away from touching Kyuhyun's—made things ten times worse.  
  
And the eyeliner. If he ever laid his hand on the stylist responsible for that particular idea...  
  
“ _Gege_ , you're glaring,” Henry whispered from behind him, voice low but amused.  
  
Kyuhyun snorted. “How can you tell? You can't even see my face.”  
  
“Because Shiyuan- _ge_ looks afraid.”  
  
Kyuhyun resisted an urge to elbow the younger boy in the stomach. Siwon had obviously heard it too, if the guilty surprise registered in his face were anything to go by. Their eyes met, and suddenly Kyuhyun felt oddly vulnerable despite the shades he was wearing.  
  
Siwon's lips moved, forming the first syllable of his name. “Kyu–”  
  
“Okay, we're done, everybody!”  
  
The spell was broken as quickly as it had sprung. A resounding chorus of _thank you_ ’s and _good work_ ’s greeted the announcement. Kyuhyun looked away, both disappointed and relieved as his feet immediately recoursed to their natural instinct and began to put some distance between him and Siwon.  
  
The weight of Siwon's gaze on him remained, heavy with questions and unspoken tension.  
  
“Thank you, everyone, we'll be going ahead,” Kyuhyun heard himself declare a moment later, the words carried by an unnaturally cheerful voice. It almost made him wince, but he was quick enough to cover it with a smile and hastily drag a confused Ryeowook out of the studio.  
  
Somewhere in the future, there would be a time for honesty and confrontation—but for now, Kyuhyun knew that he could not face Siwon yet.  
  
  
—  
  
  
Two weeks of nothing but zero progress was enough to teach even Choi Siwon that persistence, unfortunately, had its limits.  
  
Frustration had long since become a familiar company, but it was not until the second day of shooting for _Super Girl_ ’s MV that Siwon seriously began to consider resorting to Heechul's tactics. With the way things were progressing—or rather, standing still—so far, locking himself in a room with Kyuhyun might be the only way to hold any kind of decent conversation with the younger man.  
  
Sighing morosely, Siwon looked across the heavily decorated room to a corner where Donghae played DJ. He was laughing and Kyuhyun was laughing with him, the shadows around his eyes lifted by gaiety.  
  
“Just have fun,” the director had told them.  
  
 _Right._ Taking a deep breath, Siwon squared his shoulders and firmly pushed the matter out of his mind. There was a time for everything and right now work was his priority. Donning a smile, he made his way toward the others and put an arm around Henry's shoulders. The two of them were goofing around in front of a camera when Hangeng walked into the room, dressed in an outfit which sent just about everyone in the room laughing.  
  
The hilarity which ensued erased any lingering cloud in Siwon's mind. They spent the next thirty minutes truly living up to their theme, laughing and singing and dancing as if there were no camera crews darting about from corner to corner. Hangeng was the soul of the party, both the nerd and the confident man as he sought to woo the girl of his dreams. Jessica shone brilliantly in their midst, a glowing centrepiece that drew all near. Her mere presence cast a different light on the atmosphere, just as the light sound of her laugh easily brought a smile to everyone's lips.  
  
And then came that height—that one point between trying so hard to act happy for the camera's sake and ending up being truly, absolutely happy for no reason at all. Siwon found himself laughing uncontrollably when Donghae and Henry tried a couple of funny moves which had the audience all in stitches. He was still shaking with laughter when someone bumped into him and nearly made him fall flat on his face.  
  
It took him two seconds to realise that it was Kyuhyun—and that he had Kyuhyun's hand clinging to his shoulder for balance and half the side of Kyuhyun's face pressed against his upper arm. Siwon's heart tripped. For a moment, it was as if they were once more close friends, with the easiest, most comfortable relationship the world had ever seen.  
  
Then Kyuhyun glanced up, a wide grin still etched on his face, and his mirth instantly turned into horror. Panic and an all-too-obvious desire to run followed a moment later.  
  
Siwon reacted quickly. He seized Kyuhyun's hand and held it tight between his own tense, desperate fingers, painfully aware that a chance like this came directly from God and in all likelihood would never happen again. Kyuhyun's expression was overwhelmingly discouraging to say the least, but this might be his only chance.  
  
“Will you dance with me?”  
  
As soon as the question left his mouth, Siwon wanted to kill himself. Of all the things his mouth could come up with, it somehow chose to run off with the most ridiculous (though creative and certainly unprecedented, in the way falling from a skyscraper was creative and unprecedented as a method to cure amnesia). For a split second, he seriously wondered if digging a hole in the floor and falling dead at once might make him feel less like an idiot—but then Kyuhyun gave him a shocked, incredulous look and that, in Siwon's perpetually optimistic opinion, was certainly a progress.  
  
“What?”  
  
It even earned him a _word_. Positively hopeful now, Siwon summoned the sweetest, most endearing smile in his arsenal and began to sway with the music.  
  
Kyuhyun practically froze.  
  
It might be less than he had hoped, but Siwon refused to be discouraged. His first few tries were awkward, but the hard beat that flooded the room made him bolder. Its unchanging rhythm was a conductor's baton, commanding his body to move, the practice so ingrained in his muscles since trainee days that they had no choice but to obey.  
  
Kyuhyun was more resistant. Music appealed to him in a different way, but their hands were still inextricably linked and Siwon recognised a chance when he saw it. Deciding that he might as well go all the way and throw himself from the proverbial cliff instead of only dangling off the edge, he pulled Kyuhyun into the dance and proceeded to do all the weirdest, funniest, silliest moves he could think of.  
  
When Kyuhyun’s dumbfounded expression broke into a reluctant smile, Siwon felt like he had just won the entire world. And when that smile bloomed into a laugh, he knew that he was the happiest man on earth.  
  
“You are so ridiculous, you know?” the younger man suddenly said, the colour in his cheeks softening the severity of his words. Siwon had to resist an urge to engulf him in a hug. That kind of thing, he reminded himself sternly, was exactly what had gotten them into this trouble in the first place.  
  
“As long as it can make you smile, I’m perfectly happy with being ridiculous,” he replied earnestly, making Kyuhyun roll his eyes.  
  
“That’s what I call ridiculous.”  
  
Siwon only smiled as his thumb rubbed along the ridges of Kyuhyun’s knuckles. “Are you,” he hesitated, lowering his eyes, “are you still very angry at me?”  
  
Kyuhyun stiffened. Something like embarrassment brought more redness to his cheeks. “Look, I know that I've been a complete ass for the last two weeks–”  
  
“It was my fault,” Siwon interrupted him. “I started this mess, for which I’m really sorry—and yes, I remember that you hate that word.” He paused, smiling slightly. “I've missed you, Kyuhyun.”  
  
A maelstrom of expressions passed across Kyuhyun’s expression. They were too quick, too brief to allow Siwon even the barest scrutiny, but the tension in Kyuhyun’s hand, still cradled loosely in his, was unmistakable.  
  
Obviously he had said—or done—something wrong. Again.  
  
The slightly more difficult question was what it exactly was.  
  
But then Kyuhyun bit his lips and said, “Me too.”  
  
That, Siwon decided, grinning as every speck of worry evaporated from his mind, was definitely the sweetness of a hard-earned victory.  
  
  
—  
  
  
Lee Hyukjae did not drink. This was a fact familiar to the majority of his friends and fans, and no one had ever doubted its verity.  
  
This was also the reason why Kyuhyun could only stare at him when he came into his room with a bottle of wine and two drinking glasses.  
  
“What the hell?”  
  
“Shut up.” Hyukjae’s brusque response was an all-too-obvious indication of his embarrassment. “I just grabbed the nearest bottle and hoped for the best, so don’t complain about the taste.”  
  
Tired as he was from the MV shooting, it was not difficult for Kyuhyun to guess where this sudden development came from. “You really don’t have to,” he sighed, seating himself on the floor next to the other man.  
  
“I know I don't,” Hyukjae retorted, opening the bottle. “And yet here I am, telling myself to get drunk with you, so you should be grateful.”  
  
“You hate alcohol.”  
  
“Ha! Yet another reason why you _really_ should be grateful.”  
  
Kyuhyun shot him a lazy grin. “Yeah, you can wish. Maybe it’ll come true one day.”  
  
Rolling his eyes, Hyukjae poured the dark red liquid into a glass, which Kyuhyun accepted with some trepidation. At least the colour, he decided after a preliminary inspection, looked normal enough. And the aroma wasn't too discouraging, which was a very good thing.  
  
Kyuhyun tried a sip.  
  
And immediately smothered a wince. Obviously, Hyukjae had not lied about his blind, haphazard method of choosing.  
  
“The nearest bottle, huh?”  
  
The other man put on a defensive scowl. “I know nothing about these things, alright?”  
  
“Maybe I should spend some time to educate you.”  
  
Hyukjae spluttered. “Can you– damn it, stop making it sound like something incredibly perverted.”  
  
Kyuhyun only smirked and took another sip. A second try yielded a slightly more favourable verdict. It was still too dry to his taste and definitely too sweet, but as far as wine went, it was drinkable. And he certainly appreciated Hyukjae's effort, although he would never say it out loud.  
  
“So what’s the bribe for?”  
  
Hyukjae threw him a positively offended look. “This isn’t a bribe, asshole. This is my trying to be a nice, caring friend for your miserable little self.”  
  
“Yeah, that sounds about as believable as Heechul’s going to church.”  
  
“That's what you’re comparing my kindness with? Heechul _and_ church?”  
  
“I'd be less cynical if the story of your kindness weren't so unheard-of.”  
  
“Ungrateful brat,” Hyukjae muttered into his glass but there was no real venom in his voice. They lapsed into silence, each floating in the cocoon of his own thought while taking occasional sips of wine. Hyukjae had barely finished his share when Kyuhyun reached for the bottle again for the third time.  
  
“So you and Siwon are alright now?”  
  
The question made him glance up sharply. Hyukjae was watching him with a pair of intent eyes, his expression carefully blank.  
  
“I guess,” Kyuhyun answered after a pause, shrugging one shoulder carelessly.  
  
“Finally,” Hyukjae released a deep sigh. “He's been walking around with this gloomy, miserable look on his face ever since you both returned from China. Frankly, it's depressing as hell.”  
  
Kyuhyun frowned but said nothing. Hyukjae continued, “You know how he is, always has to be in good terms with everyone and everything. And this is _you_. You’ve always been special to him—though only God knows why, with you being who you are.”  
  
“Right, ‘special’.” Kyuhyun muttered, lips curling at the last word. “He just likes touching people. And in case you haven't realised, he does that to everyone.”  
  
“Who said anything about touching?”  
  
Kyuhyun stared at the other man, now unsure if they had been at the same page at all. Of course they were talking about Siwon's excessive display of affection—and _of course_ that involved touching. Being one of Siwon's favourite targets for skinship (however platonic the intention might be), he could definitely vouch for this.  
  
“We're talking about Choi Siwon,” he pointed out.  
  
Hyukjae nodded, somehow looking almost smug despite his straight face. “Yes, and how _special_ you are to him.”  
  
Kyuhyun's frown deepened. He was about to hurl another argument when the true import of Hyukjae's words struck him. The way Siwon looked at him, the way he smiled and laughed, and of course the way he _treated_ him—these couldn't be out of nothing. Kyuhyun had been too caught up in being broken-hearted to realise that when it came down to it, he was still someone special for Siwon.  
  
And maybe, with a series of meticulous planning and just enough patience, there could be a chance for the not-quite-nothing to morph into definitely-something.  
  
Kyuhyun looked up, catching the other man’s eyes. “This is what the bribe's for, isn't it?” he accused.  
  
Hyukjae smirked. “Just a little insight,” he pointed out, rising to his feet and ruffling Kyuhyun's hair in the process. Night, _maknae_.”  
  
  
 ** _End Chapter 6_**  
  
  
—  
  
  
---


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part is about Kangin’s DUI, so if you’re uncomfortable reading about it, feel free to skip that part.
> 
> And in the last part, there is a discussion about SJ's car accident in 2007, so if you're also uncomfortable reading about it... wait until the next one orz  
>  **  
> **

Kyuhyun had barely slept for two hours when Sungmin shook him awake and told him about the incident.

His first impulse was to groan and burrow back into his blanket. The weather had steadily been getting colder lately and the last thing he wanted to deal with so early in the morning was bad news. It was the thought of his future, _their_ future as a group, which made him sit up on the bed and squint at his roommate.

“A DUI?”

“Teukie-hyung is yelling upstairs.” Sungmin kept his voice low, as if there were someone listening at the door. “I think it’s bad.”

“Of course it’s bad,” Kyuhyun snapped, throwing his blanket aside as a sudden surge of frustration seized him. “It’s drunk driving.”

“But at least no one got hurt,” Sungmin pointed out defensively.

Kyuhyun shrugged, not interested in making an argument out of it. He rubbed his face and stared at his crumpled sheet instead, wishing that he hadn’t stayed up so late last night. His eyes ached and his head was pounding and it felt like he had woken up to a nightmare. 

“We just got our breakthrough,” Sungmin spoke again, his voice weak. Kyuhyun could only clench his teeth in an effort not to snap. The horrible pit in his stomach burst open at his roommate’s words, unleashing fear and panic throughout his system. Every nightmare scenario he refused to think about surged to the fore of his mind, taunting him.

The sound of raised voices and stomping feet from the upper floor did not help.

Kyuhyun caught Sungmin’s gaze and they stared at each other, listening, imagining every hard work they had done so far burned to ash. An idol group clung to its image the way a bird clung to its wings. Without it, they were as good as dead.

“It’s really bad, isn’t it?” Sungmin muttered, after the sound of several doors being slammed ended the commotion upstairs.

This time, Kyuhyun swallowed and muttered a resigned ‘yeah’.

 

-

 

In the aftermath of Kangin’s suspension, the group experienced a number of changes. Most of them were subtle enough to escape outside detection, but the members knew best just _how much_ had changed. 

Siwon was especially aware of the tension brewing in their midst, even as they wore brighter and wider smiles in public. It was the feeling of walking on tightrope, of being subjected to even closer and stricter scrutiny—simply because one of them had made a misstep.

Leeteuk obviously saw the incident as a personal failure. He now worked four times harder and demanded as much from the rest of the group as they continued with their second Asia tour and kept to their usual schedule with utmost faithfulness. No one dared to complain. Their success was too new, too shallow still. Every single member knew exactly what was at stake, what lay beneath this thin ice of fame if they dared to get just a little bit careless.

Navigating their way carefully was the only way. Their profession sold dreams and happiness. Despair and ugliness had no place among these beautiful illusions—and so they smiled, smiled, _smiled_ until they were all stripped bare of everything else but a mask that smiled.

Siwon found himself crashing at the dorm more and more often nowadays. While it was true that returning to his own apartment would be too much of a hassle when they would meet again for another schedule in a few hours, he was grateful for the decision for another reason. 

As ridiculous and childish as this might sound, Siwon simply didn’t want to be alone. He couldn’t even bring himself to care in whose bed he would be sleeping as long as he didn’t have to wake up from a nightmare and wonder if he had not dreamed it all and Super Junior had really ended—only because he had none of the others around him.

And so when he woke up at a little past five this particular morning to the sound of Ryeowook’s snores, he felt oddly happy despite the exhaustion that numbed his muscles.

Then he slipped out of the room to use the toilet—and almost collided into Kyuhyun.

“You scared me!” the younger man hissed.

Siwon couldn’t help a foolish grin from spreading across his face and promptly gathered Kyuhyun into his arms. “I’m so happy.”

Kyuhyun was silent for a long moment before finally venturing to ask, “Are you sleep-walking right now?”

“Nah. I’m just happy that I’m here and you’re here and everyone’s here.”

Siwon could practically _feel_ Kyuhyun rolling his eyes before fighting his way out of the comfortable hold. “Why the hell are you already up at this hour?”

“I could ask you the same,” Siwon shot back. For the first time he noticed that the younger man was already dressed, complete with a jacket and a baseball cap. 

“Ah.” Kyuhyun’s smile held a guilty, awkward edge. “I don’t have any schedule for today and tomorrow, so I guess… I’m planning to get away for a bit.”

Siwon felt his eyebrows rise. “Back to your house?”

Kyuhyun shook his head. “No, just… away.”

“Aren’t you exhausted?”

“Yeah, but I really need some time for myself.” Kyuhyun’s smile carried a definite hint of evasion now. “I just want to go somewhere so I can clear my mind. Away from all this.” He turned around, but not before throwing another quick look at Siwon. “Don’t worry, I already cleared it with the managers days ago. Just go back to sleep.”

“You’re going alone?” Siwon pressed on, following the younger man to the front door. 

Kyuhyun only shrugged as he bent down to put on his shoes. A whirl of possibilities stormed Siwon’s brain, some more unpleasant than others. Although why the prospects of Kyuhyun’s going off on a private trip with a girlfriend should be unpleasant for him was not particularly clear.

“Because if you do,” he heard himself say slowly, “then can I come with you?”

Kyuhyun looked up in surprise and it was enough to make Siwon quickly backtrack. “But I completely understand if you want to be alone or,” he paused, smiling awkwardly, “you have some other plan in mind.” 

There was a moment’s silence before Kyuhyun finally said, “My plan is just to drive around a bit. You’d probably be bored.”

“I don’t have anything to do either,” Siwon spoke again, trying not to sound too hopeful. “So, I’d really love to join you if you don’t mind. But only if you don’t mind.”

Kyuhyun said nothing as he stared at him for a long moment, obviously hesitating. 

But then he nodded. 

“Alright.”

 

-

 

The elevator ride down to the basement was spent in silence. 

Obviously letting the other man come with him was not a good idea. Kyuhyun could already smell the horde of risks and future complications heading his way, but there was little else he could do. Once Siwon decided to wear that kicked puppy look of his, he was pretty much a lost cause.

“Is this your car?” Siwon asked when they stopped next to a silver Hyundai, a note of surprise in his voice.

“No, I rented it,” Kyuhyun answered, fishing for the car key in his pocket. “Well, Daebin-hyung did it for me. Just seems safer that way.”

Siwon smiled. “Nothing like a little screen of anonymity.”

“Let’s hope that it’s enough.”

“Do you want me to drive?”

Kyuhyun snorted. “No, thanks. You drive like a crazy person.”

“Not with you in the car.” The sudden fierceness in Siwon’s tone made Kyuhyun look up. What he saw in Siwon’s expression was enough to wreak a painful cacophony in his chest. “I will never ever make you go through anything like that again.”

It took Kyuhyun a moment to calm his rebellious heart and locate his thready voice. “Just get in the car,” he muttered, climbing in quickly to hide his face.

Siwon only hummed and followed suit. He did not talk much once he had settled in the passenger seat. Kyuhyun likewise maintained his awkward silence, concentrating on navigating the city’s main arteries and highways quickly while the traffic was still sparse in the pre-dawn haze. 

He believed Siwon. It was impossible to deny the other man’s all-too-obvious affection for him—and yet it didn’t change the fact that when it came to driving, Kyuhyun trusted himself the most. At least when he was the one behind the wheel, he knew that it would be safe.

Luckily he brought a stack of CDs in his bag, ranging from old 1950s classics to contemporary Jazz. The music helped to fill the silence and Kyuhyun found himself gradually relaxing as his fingers followed the beat with a slow tap-tap.

In half an hour or so, the night paled to grey-blue, steadily going brighter by the minute. They made a stop for breakfast just before they left the stirring city. Siwon stayed in the car to be on the safe side, waiting patiently until Kyuhyun returned with sandwiches and cups of strong tea and coffee.

“You’re a pro at this,” Siwon suddenly said as they started digging into their breakfast. 

Kyuhyun smiled into his cup. “Not really. I’ve only done this a couple of times before—and definitely not as often as I want to.”

Siwon gave him a curious look. “I know you like travelling,” he said slowly, “but somehow... well, maybe I just didn’t expect something like this.”

“It’s not for everyone,” Kyuhyun admitted, keeping his own misgivings silent. He had always pegged Siwon as the kind who took proper, five-star vacations, but the other man made no response, seemingly absorbed in his own pool of thought. Or sandwich.

They arrived at their destination a little past noon. The sun had disappeared behind a siege of clouds, leaving a wan, overcast shade to the endless stretch of water. As soon as he stepped out of the car, the smell of sea air hit his nose, and for the first time in weeks, Kyuhyun finally felt that he could breathe.

He had always loved the sea—and loved this kind the best. Not the white-sanded paradise perpetually showcased in bright-coloured vacation photos, but an expanse of grey sand and grey sea with its pale-crested waves. The beach was deserted. Summer had ended weeks ago and now the breeze carried a hint of chill that cleared his mind and eased the tension off his body, at last. 

“I think I see now,” Siwon said after spending long minutes staring thoughtfully at the horizon.

Kyuhyun couldn’t resist a smile. “Feels great, doesn’t it?”

“Very.”

His hand was warm in Kyuhyun’s as they made their way down to the beach, feet sinking into the cool, damp sand.

 

-

 

They had an early dinner in a local restaurant. Steamed mussels. Spicy fish soup. Giant mounds of fresh boiled crabs with homemade sauce.

“I really enjoyed today,” Siwon said halfway through the meal. 

“Really?” There was a blend of amusement and scepticism in Kyuhyun’s voice. “We did, like, nothing the whole day.”

A crooked grin made its way to Siwon’s face. “But it’s a good kind of nothing. Seriously, I don’t remember the last time I felt this relaxed.”

“I’m glad.” Kyuhyun smiled—and Siwon had to resist a sudden urge to hug him. For once, he was grateful that there was a table between them.

“I can see why you like doing this alone though,” he said instead, stirring his soup slowly. “We’re always surrounded by people, so it’s nice to get away every now and then. It keeps things balanced.” He paused, and then added, his tone faintly guilty, “I’m really sorry for intruding like this.”

Kyuhyun waved a dismissive hand. “You’re not the first. Hyukjae caught me the last time, the way you did this morning. And he was a much noisier driving companion, I can tell you.” 

Siwon could feel his smile stiffen a little (which was strange and completely without reason). He knew that they were good friends, just like he and Kyuhyun were. Just like _he_ and Hyukjae were.

“You’re really close with him, aren’t you?” he said casually, keeping his voice neutral.

“He’s special.”

“Yes, I’ve noticed,” Siwon sighed, rolling his eyes. “But is there any particular reason or he’s just born that way?”

Kyuhyun laughed. “You want an honest answer? He’s the reason I don’t believe in destiny any longer.”

Siwon snorted, recognising the story Kyuhyun had told in a show recording once. “Seriously? That’s why Hyukjae is special?”

“Yes,” Kyuhyun replied steadily, a strange quirk of a smile on his lips. “And he’s also the reason why I’m still alive.”

It took Siwon about ten seconds to realise that Kyuhyun had meant it _literally_ and Hyukjae had been the one who had held his hands throughout a staring contest with death. Neither of them ever talked about that moment much except for the occasional mentions in varieties—which, more than anything else, told Siwon that this was a territory in which he would want to watch his tread very, very carefully. One wrong step and the entire skeleton of their friendship might just end up blown to smithereens.

The sound of Kyuhyun’s chuckle rescued him from his own anxious, churning thoughts. “Don’t look so serious.”

Siwon managed a small, guilty laugh. “I didn’t mean to remind you to… that.”

“It’s alright,” Kyuhyun told him, smiling despite the guarded look which had settled quietly around his eyes. Siwon pressed his lips together, silently cursing at his own stupid curiosity. He knew that his mouth would remain shut until he was certain that nothing between them had been damaged beyond repair.

“It was his eyes, you know.” When Kyuhyun spoke again, his voice was calm, almost distant. “I make fun of them often, but they were really the ones that saved me that day. He was crying so hard, but he never looked away. Not even once, although at that time I must have been unbearable to look at.” He paused, fingers clenching around his drinking glass. “He kept talking to me and telling me to look at him. I don't remember much except this big, crushing ball of fear, but he was there and his eyes… they ground me here. He looked at me like I was the most precious person in the world for him. Of course I didn't want to go, but back then, the fear, the pain, everything was...” 

Kyuhyun took in a deep, shaky breath, and then raised his eyes, an ocean of so-much-too-much in them. “I suppose it was his presence that gave me strength. When I looked at him, I knew that I had to remain here—that I couldn’t leave those eyes. And… well, if there must be a reason why I couldn’t die yet, then maybe it was because there was a person in this world who looked at me like that.”

Siwon could find no word to respond. Not in the empty vault of his mind and certainly not on his tongue. This was the first time that Kyuhyun had told him that much. He had never asked, too mindful of the younger’s pain all the time, and Kyuhyun had never volunteered anything unless he really had to.

Until this moment. And Siwon was left reeling, almost lost. Unsure of his own footing. 

But then Kyuhyun laughed, a small, self-conscious sound that dispelled the mist of awkwardness between them. “The funny thing was,” he continued, his tone lighter, “we couldn’t look at each other in the eye for weeks afterward. You remember how you guys visited me in the hospital almost every day, right? Whenever he came, he kept avoiding my eyes and it was just so awkward between us that even Teukie-hyung asked about it. It’s like one of those moments between two friends who shouldn’t have slept with each other and yet they did, and got so embarrassed afterwards.”

Siwon stared at him. “That’s… a pretty strange analogy.”

“Kinda true though,” Kyuhyun answered with a grin. “It felt a lot like that because what happened that night was… the only word I can think of is ‘intimate’. It was life and death. It was so personal that to have someone else there, holding your hand, looking into your eyes was just– it changed everything between us.”

“I see.”

“Anyway,” Kyuhyun cleared his throat, eyes back on his unfinished bowl, “that’s why he is special—but don’t tell him that.”

“I won’t,” Siwon found the promise easily on his lips. At this point, he would have promised Kyuhyun _anything._

They returned to their meal in silence, the strikes of metal cutleries loud, almost jarring. Siwon continued swimming in a haze of unspoken words. There were words of comfort and words of apology, but loudest of all were words that confessed and burned honesty all the way up his throat.

“You’re also precious to the rest of us,” he finally spoke them, watching as surprise registered on Kyuhyun’s face. “To me.”

Surprise shifted to something else softer, happier almost. “I know,” Kyuhyun replied, smiling at him.

 

-

 

One week later, Hangeng left.

 

**_End Chapter 7_ **

 

-  
 **  
**


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